Trick Or Treat

Last Saturday we attended a Halloween party hosted by M. Santerre in Tiverton, Rhode Island. Kylee dressed up as a fairy, Hubster was Freddy and I was just a sexy Bunny.

Today, for trick or treating in Barrington, Kylee will be a Bunny, I will be the She-devil and Hubster will just be a "white man". He refused to wear a costume.

This morning I woke up with a weird dream. Two Chinese brothers were leading a syndicate and they were also in-love with the same girl. That was like watching an action film. For free. The head of the syndicate ripped his gut out and took his small intestine. Apparently, that's how they commit suicide. As I was telling this story to the Hubster, Kylee butt-in on the conversation and said that she had a dream too. She said she was playing with Ondrej and a man grabbed her. And she just covered herself with a blanket. Then she said, You had the same dream before. The hubster remembered I had a dream like that too. I think that dream made me paranoid that's why when we go out I am always holding Kylee's hand. Not on my watch you pervs! rofl

It seems like a good day today. Did I mention I won a twin-blanket/comforter and an Olive Oil set during the Halloween party? This is the first time in my life that I won on a raffle. I also won a doll (which Kylee calls Penny) on a vending machine prior to the party. I guess my luck is starting to kick-in.

Life is full of surprises! 

Only Fools Rush In

I had a comment from my entry yesterday. It says: Sooooorrrdss!

Then it got me thinking about my life as an erstwhile artist. I auditioned for a part in a play called Ibalong gazillion years ago. Its the epic (story) of Bicol heroes. I got the part of "Laryong" and she is a witch. Which evidently is such a cliche!

During the course of practice, the director still was looking for a small part which is the wife of one of the heroes. Since I was there I volunteered to be an understudy because that part was after my last scene (where I was killed by the hero) and I don't have anything better to do.

Of course the director agreed for "blocking" purposes. And then they all forgot to look for the real "actor" for the part. I was semi-electrocuted during the performance at Divine College because I was in a hurry to remove my gruesome make-up (as a witch) for the next part.

Anyway, the next year it became a BIGGER production. I was the wife of the first hero. Oh please, don't ask me their names! My best buddy, King was one of that hero. And I have to say, I completely suck at that performance! I wanted to be a witch but hey, I don't know how to sing and it was required. I remembered insisting I have a wardrobe change just because I was so bored with my role.

During this whole ordeal and months of preparation and practice, I chanced upon a guy named "whatshisname" and he was supposed to be an actor from another school. I was told he was good. And I refused to comment on that. (Bitter! Peanut-bitter!)

We sort of hit it off quickly and became "close" and I thought with him I found someone who will be my ally. Then he disappointed me, BIG TIME! I refused to disclose more details except that, I thought he was no longer in-love with his ex, then one time we went to a fair where he was all over the ex and it disgust me.  

I found a letter in my room which says: I detest the best of what you are because more of you seems to be less and the rest doesn't count.

The mother-effin asshole is a freeloader! I paid for your drinks and food, you miserable excuse for a human being! And you think I was pathetic when in fact you just would have directed the mirror to yourself! I cannot believe how "trusting" I was. I cannot believe you bit the hands that fed you.

Okay so that was not the entire letter but that was what etched on my mind. With him, I don't think I can ever be friends again. I was devastated by the betrayal and he can never take back what he said. And even if someone will say otherwise, I just have to say: Sooorrrds!

Evidently, the love of my life has emerged most recently so there's no doubt I found him. Or he found me. Whichever comes first. The thing is, do not rush into love. Only fools do it.

To forgive is To forget: Try That Yourself

Due to insistent public demand, I will be disclosing more of the treacheries I have experienced. Brace yourselves!

Case number 2: a long long time ago, there was once a boy who was extremely cute. Sissy has a crush on him. He wooed me. I was flattered. He became my "boyfriend". Okay so I was like 17. And not that pretty. And being with a cute human being is like having Godiva chocolates when you should only be with the company of KitKats. Not that Kitkat is shabby (Its by far my favorite) but it is definitely not of our league. FACE value wise.

He is actually my first love. Or so I thought. While we were dating, he will usually hang out in our "boarding house" which we jokingly refer to as "Rehab" and he scrub the floor of my room with a coconut husk. He said it was exercise. He do my laundry. We were together for almost a year and it became boring. I think for both of us. One day, he told me that he will be out of town (going to Manila) for a few days. I was like, okay. But in mind it was: Great! I can hang out with my friends.

So the day he was supposed to be "out of town" I went out with my friend, Malyn and Nick and some other Dude. We had a great time and was supposed be going home so I boarded the jeep. (For those who are not aware of what a jeep is: Its a public transportation in the Philippines) And there he was! With his arms on the shoulder of a heavy-breasted woman. I say a woman because she was older.

The truth is, the hurt I felt was more of embarrassment. I was with my friends on the jeep. I felt betrayed but I was more embarrassed. There were no words that came out of my mouth. I was, for the first time of my life, speechless. I went off  the jeep and he said he will drop by later on. I said dont bother. I remembered Sharon Quitasol (my boardmate) opened the gate and I burst into tears. Of course we were on the pathway and people are suddenly flooding so she told me to go to my room and she brought ciggies. I was of course, okay  and stopped crying when she arrived.

He went back to woe me. I was like, no way. One day, we were in a club and he saw me with friends and some cute dudes, he asked to talk. I was like, Sure! We went outside of the club and he knelt and asked for forgiveness. He said he will not stand unless I take him back. Of course a lot of people are passing by and he was embarrassed but he did not stand. He was begging though. And then, an amazing spark lit on my brain. This is the time to exact my vengeance.

Just when he thought I was okay with everything, I dated his friend. I did not really like his friend that much but what the heck, it's just a one time date.

We broke up. He dated my friend. We still hang out. I loved him as a friend. We had good times. Great times. Everything fell into its proper place. We were friends and I think that's what were just supposed to be. Friends.

Then he died. It was a motorcycle accident.

Note: I had a suitor who died of a motorcycle accident after that. I dated another boy who died of another motorcycle as well. I'm not a big fan of motorcycle however bad-ass they look. They take away lives.

This is why I am telling you people: LIVE your life! life is short! Bring out the Margarita's! Oh, and first love dies. No pun intended.

I Can Forgive but I will Never Forget

Yesterday I was doing an entry but hesitated to publish it. I think my parental theory will not matter to everyone because I am not a parent. When and If I become one I might change my mind with that theory. Who knows?

For the meantime lets talk about something where I am knowledgeable with. ME.

A friend once said: "To forgive is to forget." Well I beg to disagree! I can forgive but I can NEVER forget!

Case number 1: During college I was close to this girl whom I thought was my "friend". I tagged her along and gave her free (of charge) and unsolicited advises. I give her free drinks. and free food. I made sure she looks good too. Well, whenever she was with me. She sort of befriended me and I was like, okay no worries I'm going with the flow.  So, I was dating this boy who was sort of cute and prided himself to be a poet. Wrote poetry for me and made me a little bit smitten. Just a little bit. One day, I went to the hospital to stay with my Grandpa and I was absent from school for 2 days. When I went back to school, we decided to have a few drinks. By WE I meant, the erstwhile friend, the boy I was dating and Sherry, my true and loyal friend.

While we are drinking, I was seated next to the boy and the boy was seated next to that girl. When I was doing my shots I noticed that the (expletives deleted firmly) two of them are holding hands under the table! To say that I was furious is an understatement! It drove me nuts! Not because the boy is a (expletives deleted) asswipe but I treated that girl as a friend. Of course I pointed it out to them and they immediately let go of each other's hands. I went out of that "watering hole" and he followed me. He was trying to explain his side.

Me: Tell me why of all people in the world you opted for her? YOU have no respect! If you have a little bit, just a little bit of respect, you will look for someone prettier than me! (Imagine me berserk and narcissistic at the same time) Do you think I am stupid? Do you think I am stupid? Answer me you miserable pathetic (expletives deleted)!

Him: Well...
Me: Ah! And you want to answer back? You  (all swearing possible)!

I immediately left. Unbeknownst to my knowledge the boy has RHD. No, not Right Hand Drive. The poor boy which I terrorized has Rheumatic Heart Disease. When I left he was rushed to the nearby hospital and was admitted for a few days.

Uhmm....My bad!

Anyway, of course I forgave the poor guy. It was after all my "drama" which made him bedridden for a few days. Poor boy! See? I am not a psychopath! I exhibited remorse. Right?

The boy continued "wooing" me but to no avail. I already forgave him. Why would I submit myself to such ego-diminishing activity again? So of course, since he was my classmate on some class he was always the subject of my ridicule. But hey! I forgave him. I talk to him. I talk to him over the phone. True, I was always nasty. But I still speak with him. He is a sweet boy after all.

And the girl? Who cares? I forgave her. We go to clubs and hang out from time to time (with other friends) but I don't think I will ever trust her again. So why bother? And where is she now? Hmmm.... I really dont know. I saw her six years ago before I went to Dubai. And frankly, I don't really give a rat's ass!

That's the thing about me. I can be your biggest friend. I can be your ally. But the minute YOU cross me is the minute you decide that you will no longer have me in your life. Well, that depends too. Because if I am in the mood to be vindictive I can always do that.

And its not a threat! It's a PROMISE!

Back to Ranting

Lindsay Lohan is apparently doing the cover of Playboy. This girl made a lot of bad decisions in life. Is she in need of attention that bad?

I know of people who makes bad decisions in life. I have made bad decisions myself. But do we really want to walk on that path again? If you are a teenager it is expected of you to make bad choices in life. Now, what is your excuse?

People who are always crying and playing victims are annoying. Wherever we are right now, it is our choice to be there. It was our decision. So ranting about how your life sucks is actually of your own doing. YOU are the product of the choices you made. You DESERVE wherever state you are now!

Don't go blaming men why they don't take you seriously. YOU don't take yourself seriously so why the (expletives deleted) hell are you demanding for them to do so? You don't like how your family member treats you? YOU made them that way! You don't like how your friends' attitudes are towards you? YOU made them that way!

Don't go around asking people for sympathy and think you have fooled them because they actually talk about how pathetic you are behind your back! You feel that you are a victim but you are actually living a life which you deserve because of your own doing. No one else is responsible but you!

When are you ever going to learn?

Own it up. Unless you own up to your mistakes you can never move forward. It is our life that we direct. We can only live our own lives. 

I am in Pain

Okay so Alexis Stewart on an interview stated that the book was supposed to be funny. And Martha was okay with the book. I guess I was a bit okay now. Like it matters to them!

Today I cooked "Pork Sinigang" and instead of pechay (bok choy) I substituted it with spinach. I think its okay, Kylee loves it. I marinated pork spareribs for tomorrow.

Its getting a bit chilly nowadays. I have been wearing my pajamas and sweat pants and sweater for the past few days. I hate winter! I do! If I win the lotto I will buy a mansion in Florida and stay there until winter is over. But I don't even buy those ticket so I just have to content myself hibernating in my crib.

I started a new blog strictly for my newfound love for photography. If you wish to speak with me regarding a new project I am open to conceptualize with you. I am working on a Rapunzel and Mother-Daughter theme. I just cant look for a good location.

I'm a bit disturbed with this weather. My back is killing me and I am literally dying.

The Tale of the Ungrateful Daughter

Check this on my lookbook: http://lookbook.nu/look/2543883-Tropical-Fruit

I woke up today and my "Domesticated Diva" (according to Glaiza) alter ego prepared Beamer's lunch and snacks, clothes to wear and a pair of gym clothes. 

My mornings are composed of staying in the room (after the hubster left) and blog while watching news. Matt Lauer is my constant morning companion. 

Alexis Stewart, Martha Stewart's daughter (yes, the great Martha Stewart) apparently wrote a book. The book was about her life growing up with a Martha Stewart. 

"If I didn't do something perfectly, I had to do it again," writes Stewart, 46. "I grew up with a glue gun pointed at my head."

In my opinion, she is an ungrateful daughter. Okay, so when you dont do it perfectly you do it again. What's the big deal? Did you die? A glue gun pointed in the head meant she was teaching her to be like her. A homemaking goddess.

"Martha was not interested in being kid-friendly," her daughter writes. 

She stated there was no food in the refrigerator. There were ingredients but not prepared. There was no trick or treating during Halloween. And she wraps her own gift for Christmas. People from the third world countries do not have gifts at all during Christmas! They do not have food at all! They do not go trick or treating because NOBODY will give them anything.

There was a time in my childhood that I felt that my Mother doesnt have money at all. That particular time we feasted on canned sardines (which I still love until now!). I have never experienced trick or treating (It's my first time this year!) and I cooked my own food when I was 9. I make a mean noodle with sardines. Too bad the Hubster doesnt like seafood.

What is the BIG deal Alexis Stewart? Do you really have to diss your mom like that? I mean on national TV? International media? Was she really a bad mother for you to write a book about her?

I am not in defense of Martha. I am not a mother. 

"Halloween was also a grim affair: There were no costumes," she writes. "There was no anything. We turned off all the lights and pretended we weren't home."

I remembered "Christmas Carolers" in the Philippines. Every second they come back once you give them something. Everyday for 30 days. Of course there will be time that you want to close your lights. What is the big deal?

"A woman lived near us when I was little, had married someone very wealthy and very unattractive, and my mother actually told me when I was a small child, 'Now Alexis, if this ever happens, you make sure you have sex with somebody else to have their baby. Don't have his baby,'" she writes.

Pardon me for laughing my esophagus out! She was probably saying that because the man was unattractive and she would not want to have an unattractive grandchild. I remembered my Mom when I told her that I passed the audition for majorette during freshman.

My Mom (Nanay): Huwaaat??
Me: Yes! Auntie Nancy told me.
Nanay: Who was conducting the audition?
Me: Auntie Nancy!
Nanay: Exactly! It's your Auntie Nancy! Out of shame she will take you.
Me: But I wanted to be one. My friends are.
Nanay: Look, I love you. You are my daughter. For me you are the most beautiful girl in the world. But not everyone will agree. I do not want to be fighting with some other kibitzers when I hear them saying, "Who is that skinny ugly girl? Why did they even got her?"

"Mother always peed with the door open," she writes. "I remember saying, 'You know, now I have friends over! You can't do that anymore! It's gotta stop! My friends' parents don't do it! Give me a break here! I don't feel like being embarrassed! It's exhausting! I'm a kid! Stop!"'

Alexis, Alexis, Alexis... If you say this this things to my Mom you are going to pick up your teeth on the floor! In other countries (like mine!) you are not even allowed to voice your opinion as a child. And I pee with the door open, not ajar, OPEN. It's my house! Im sure its her house too. She can do what she want. Hell, I even pee on the bushes if the nature calls. I think its way better than pee-ing in your pants. Right Puppet?

The book, is, afterall, dedicated to Martha Stewart, with this foreword: "Thanks in advance to my mother for not getting angry about anything written in this book."

Okay. So she didn't mind. What was the point? Martha is an Institution. All Mother's are. In this case, I have to say this too:

Thank you Nanay for making me the person that I am today. For opening my eyes and not fooling me of being beautiful like some parents do to their kids. Thank you for that gift. The gift of candor. For whatever flaws you have I embrace it. And I know you embrace mine. And I have plenty.

I love you Nanay.

Life is a Mystery

I graduated high school when I was 15. Some people think I am smart. I was actually stupid. I fooled them all. Excuse me while I roll on the floor laughing.

During that summer I had my first boyfriend. To this date I am still denying the fact that my sister Sugar stated (and told my Mom) that I was putting my head on that boy's shoulders. I was NOT! I did not kiss that boy and I was in no way physically involved with him. I was smitten yes! But to say that I was in-love is actually a fallacy of gigantic proportions. 

I was young and I felt that I needed a boyfriend before I go to college. The boy was cute and I thought to myself, not too bad for a first boyfriend. You see, I have a talent. My talent is "looking forward" and I never really thought of myself as marrying my first boyfriend. 

The relationship was short-lived. First I was appalled by what my brother, Nino reiterated about his physical appearance. Of course, I was 15 and shallow so from that instance, I knew it was bound to end. 

From that experience I have learned that the world do not actually stop revolving just because one relationship ended. Life is full of mystery. Who would have known I am going to marry a New Yorker? Oh, with the exception of this fortune teller in Quiapo who told me that I am marrying a blonde. I mean, who would have guessed? What are the odds?

So I tell you, if you are feeling down and weary on a relationship which ended. Fret not. Life will unfold by itself. Trust him fully for only the unseen mover of all know what he has in store for you. Feel lucky. The mere fact that you woke up in the morning is a reason enough to celebrate.

You call it Faith. You call it Destiny. I call it God. 

I Have Something To Say

I am Pro-Women. I believe that what men can do a woman can do better. Except for some BS like  asking women to pee on a bottle. That's absurd! Of course we can do it. The question is, Do I want to?

However, I believe that men should still open doors and give up their seat to a lady. Its not because we cant open the door ourselves or stand on a bus but because they should be gentlemen. Men who tries to compete with women are chauvinists and should not even be considered as "real men." I once dated a guy who refused to let my friend win on billiards. I was like, give it up! She's the one paying for your drinks. Be a man. Have some respect Dude!

You will never be considered a coward if you lose to a woman. But you will be hailed and placed in a pedestal if you let her win. It is never a question which gender is stronger. Men are. They are bigger and muscular. Hmmmm....

Women should not compete as well. This is not a war. People, please don't complicate things. What women fought for has already been achieved. The equality we once cried for is in our grasp. Women can be charged for rape now. That was the price we have to pay for  fighting for our freedom. I believe this "rape" was done out of spite by men who thinks they are above us all.

Anyway, let me not go through that. Who knows maybe a woman can really rape a man? Who am I to judge?

Let me just give an unsolicited advice to single girls:

Do not argue with an intoxicated man. He might strangle you. Not that I have been strangled but I surely have seen one.

Do not let a man hurt you physically or emotionally. He do it once, he will do it again.

Do not continue dating a man who never pay for your date. As JZ puts it, "Constipated wallet, constipated emotions."

Its a different thing if he forgot his wallet or it was snatched. But he cant always use that excuse more than twice.

Do not continue dating a man who keeps on changing his mind about something. He will do that to you. Remember the constipated theory?

Do not date just for the sake of being with someone. Word from the wise: "It is better to be alone and bored, at least you can read."

Men has the ability to string you along. They may deny it but they really can. And if you are not smart you will be dragged by the same man for a lifetime.

Do not marry a man whom you have doubts. You have to be a hundred percent sure that you wanted to be with this man for the rest of your life. Do not talk behind your husband's back. Do not belittle him and say, "He is on crazy meds" infront of your friends. Do not bad-talk your husband infront of your kids. It is disrespectful and it is wrong. If your husband is a bad man your kids will know themselves and besides if he is that bad why did you marry him? Stupid?

If you want a man to take care of you, rely on him as well. I once dated a man who never paid for his own fare and even relied on me paying for his drinks and food. I was too young to be a "Sugar Mommy" and refused to be one. How the hell can you expect respect from women if you don't even pay for your own fare? If you cant buy a decent meal for a girl, just don't date her. You will feel crap because that's exactly how she will remember you for the rest of her life. Crap!

The reason I married my husband is because he is like my uncle, Papa Vi. And he takes care of me. So I respect him and I will love him for as long as I live.  I am glad and pleased with the long wait. It was all worthwhile.

Why am I telling you all this? To save you from massive heartbreaks. And for you to remember that, It is better to quit while you're ahead. Some wise men said: Learn from your mistakes. I say, learn from other people's mistakes. Why do we need to experience their turmoil if we can avoid it and live a life?

Believe

I was watching the SUBWAY commercial "Anytober" and the cheerleaders annoyed me. On my recollection, when I was 12 I was recruited on the cheer-leading. I was told by the trainer that I have to be on top of the pyramid because I was skinny and light as a feather. I vehemently refused to do so (and they hated me so I was never called back) because I will never risk being tossed and be handicapped. Anyway,  I think if they only appealed to my ego and instead of saying "we got you because you were skinny" they would have said "we want you on top of that pyramid so everyone will see you", I would have climbed the Pyramids of Egypt myself. Hell I would have tossed myself to that pyramid. But they did not. And I am pleased I still have 2 working legs.

Today I just finished the Fairy Dress for Kylee. I am more than pleased. We will be having a major photo shoot with the brat on Saturday. I hope it doesn't rain. Fingers crossed!

There are a few things needed to be done for today. I'm also cooking yet another Filipino dish for the hubster. Kylee and I will be working with the next outfit, the Bunny. This will be used for trick or treat-ing at Barrington.

On second note, I always dream of The Bayview. For those who have no idea what I am talking about, The Bayview is what we call our dream house location. It has an unobstructed view of the Bay. I am sure that if that house has no molds, termites or any loopholes we will surely have that. Hey! If you know me very well you should've known by now that I always get what I want. (Rolling on the floor laughing!)

And if we dont get that house for inevitable circumstance then I would not prefer to reside in Fall River because that location is by far the most beautiful in the whole city. And I am a person not easily pleased.

I can. I will. I believe.

The Best Form of Flattery

I clearly do not mind people imitating the way I dress. I just feel that I need to be recognized. I have met some people who were fashion victims before they learned something from me. It has to be me. Because before I met them they look like (expletives deleted) crap.

These people has to scan their old photos and admit to themselves that they start dressing better when they hang out with me. (rolling on the floor laughing) All of a sudden, ungrateful bee-otches think they are giraffes, above it all. (rolling on the floor laughing my esophagus out)

Some wise men said, The best form of flattery is imitation. And I dont mind. At all. Just dont say to people that you were born that way because Sweetie, only Lady Gaga deserves that.

This is why I really like one of my closest girlfriend (name omitted for anonymity) because she always tell me how thankful she is for my fashion coaching. I never really realized that I coached her but yes! I love telling people what to do. I am bossy. I am domineering. I am me. And I love me. Hey, hater! Go and write your own blog!

Anyway, enough of that nonsense!
  

I am on the process of decorating our Masters. I have yet to do a lot but come winter we (Beamer & I) agreed to close the Living room and the Masters. We'll be occupying the Dining, Kitchen, Bath and 2 rooms to conserve GAS. I don't know if that will work but hey! It is recession!

I am finishing Kylee's fairy costume today. I already made her a Fairy wand. A headpiece. The Fairy Wings is ready. The shoes will be a battle between the gold sequined ballet flats or the silver gladiator type flats. Now for anyone who doesn't know me personally, Kylee is not my baby. She is my foster baby. Her Daddy is my sister's bestfriend.

The fairy costume will be for a Halloween party at Tiverton and we also have a Bunny costume for Trick or Treat-ing at Barrington.

I have been conceptualizing of themed photo shoots but it is still under wraps. I'm reconstructing my Domesticated Blog and I hope you guys will like it as well. Of course there will be bitch modes but hey, its not me without being bitchy!

Take it or Leave it! My way or the Highway!

My One True Love

I watched the 2nd part of the Kim Kardashian wedding and I must say, It was Awesome!!! She changed into 3 outfits. I was in awe of the 2nd gown. Not a big fan of the first but the gown she wore for her 1st dance was amazing!

As I have stated on my Facebook, I must have been making sense on my blog because I have readers from countries I know no one of. Sure I know peeps from PI and UAE. And some from Italy, Australia, Germany, Kuwait, Denmark, Cyprus and Singapore. But Slovakia, Ireland and India? I was flattered. Thanks.

Today there is yet another tingling sensation at the back of my head. It felt that it was inside. Like in my brain. Maybe I will die soon. It's not going to be a big loss. I am no Steve Jobs. Some people might even rejoice. I literally told the hubster this morning that I might have a brain tumor as diagnosed by the hypochondiacs' favorite doctor, WebMd.

In connection with my recent diagnosis please allow the "drama queen" in me to write something for the Man who made me realize that life is nothing if not shared with the man you love.

Dear Hubster,

I know that I am a gigantic force to be reckoned with. I feel that sometimes you want to shake the living hell out of me. But instead, you hold my hand and kiss me. I admit that I am not the easiest person to deal with. I am difficult and set a bar too high to reach. But you understood me. You get me. I think you are the sole man who gets me. And that alone is a big deal for me.

Sometimes I get to be so bitchy but you just continue loving me.

Thank you for the romantic dinners we shared in our shabby poker table. I love everything you cook. Not a big fan of the sandwiches though. The main dishes are absolutely amazing. I love you for taking good care of me. Thank you for being there when I needed to shout at someone or whenever I feel the need to have a kiss. But mostly when I am on my rollercoaster emotions. You get me. You really get me.

I may not be the perfect wife you envisioned to be with but I promise to try. I promise to be a better friend and a better cook and a better lover and a better wife. For as long as I am breathing I will promise to try.

On my "dying moment" if I can still speak I will speak of you. I will speak of love and I will speak of you. Of all the gazillion people in the world he brought me to you. And that must have meant something. There is a God. Who wanted me to be happy. And I think he wanted you to be happy too. So I will try to be a better me. I will try baby.

And if I get to be older (hopefully wiser!) I will still hold your hand and kiss you every night and every waking morning of our lives. You are my ally and be assured that I am yours.

I told you once: If you cant accept my worst, you do not deserve my best! And you got me. You really did!

I love you. I love you. I love you and most especially, I love you.

Always and Forever,

Wifey

The Power of Optimism

My sister Sugar called me (or was it the other way?) and informed that she is reading, The Secret. I'm not into reading as I was way back. I guess its because I'm lazy. Lazier as a matter of fact. The only thing I read nowadays are text messages. And the only exercise I have is whenever I am watching TV in my room (because the hubster is using the TV in the living room) and it has no remote control. Therefore, changing channels is a burden. Damn I need some Mint Chocolate Ice Cream!

Okay, so Sugar told me that on that specific book it encourage you to get all the positive vibes and embrace what you wanted like it is already yours. Hey! That's what I do. That is what I have been doing all my life. I even feared I have Schizophrenia because I felt that I always get what I want.

After my wedding, and after being with the company of the great Phiay Carino I have been obsessing of having a camera. I felt that somehow I will have it. I have been writing some concepts for future photo shoots. And then, BAM! I recently had my first DSLR. Thanks to my hubster and to myself and to the power of positive thinking.

Allow me a minute to laugh uncontrollably.

What I needed now is a new laptop. As you all know (OR NOT!) one day I was editing some photos and all of a sudden there was this burning smell. I went to the kitchen but it was not there. I sat at the table and I realized that the smell is just right there. Of course, my computer for 5 years decided to end his life.

The hubster promised to buy me a new laptop for Christmas while I use his ever slow laptop. CHRISTMAS? REALLY!!!??? That's like gazillion years from now. I need it as soon as possible. What shall I do?

Goodbye for now my roadies while I practice The Power of Positive Thinking.

A Better Me

The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you can see. Winston Churchill

Most recently I have been a little bit confused. I think I was being lazy. And I could not fault anyone but myself. There is absolutely no one to be blamed but me. I take full responsibility.

On this new journey I wish to embark with myself, I am here to hope. Hope to be a better person. Hope to be calmer and more at peace with myself. Hope for a better future. A better life. A better Me.

I am not saying that I am a Saint because I am nowhere near that. I may have been a little bit bitchy than most girls. Or More! But I have my reasons. I was provoked and I was never the type of person who lash out first. I am always on the defense. And forgive me if I say that whoever I have wronged from the past, you know that you are the first one to mess with me. And you knew from the deepest recesses of your being, you deserved it.

And I am not proud of being vindictive at one point of my life. I was full of hatred when I was a kid. That hatred gave birth to bitterness. And now I feel so ancient. Like I was so old and like I  have been through a lot. But honestly, watching a lot of Law & Order and CSI or Criminal Minds, I have never been through anything near those victims. I have never experienced anything so gruesome and I came into the realization, I am blessed.

The anger which was boiling in my heart for the longest time finally came into an awakening.  I do not have a perfect childhood. But I am blessed with a family who kept me grounded. I may have been the rebel for a long time but I think I did them proud at one point as well. 

I was described as "gangster" by my high school teacher but I turned out glam. I may have been an ugly duckling but I became a swan. I may have been predicted by someone to be impregnated at 16 (not because I was slutty but because I was loud!) and it irritated me because until now I do not have a child. Parents doesn't really like me because they think I am a bad influence to their kids. (With the exception of Mimi Arcos who never thought of it an inkling.) Well guess what, NO ONE can ever pressure anyone unless they permit it. Own up to your mistakes. 

I own up to my mistakes. I may have been violent at one point of my childhood and I apologize for that. But I hope that they will also own up to theirs because it always takes two to tango.

I am on a journey. A journey with myself. To better my life. To better myself. And in the end be a better Friend, Daughter, Sister, Niece, Granddaughter and a better Aunt. A better wife.

Who knows, maybe even a better mother.

Happy Birthday Theresa Larcena Ventura

Everdearest Thess,

We have known each other for so long that we don't really want to reiterate about it for fear of sounding so ancient. Innocence were in our eyes when we first met. I remembered we were 2 seats apart on a stage when we were just kids.

It was amazing to have known you for so long and here we are now, still friends. We are still the same person we were way back. But now we are more glam and fab! Hahaha! Humility is not on our vocabs nowadays. Hahahaha!

Happy Birthday Girlfriend! May you have all the nice things you hope for and then may you be as generous as today so you can throw some of those nice things on my directions!

Love and Kisses,
ME

Happy Birthday Henry Ronda Rabe

To my dear friend Kimmy,

Same time last year I remembered vividly, instead of celebrating your birthday you opted to come with me for an interview which changed my life forever. Of course I remembered as well that we cooked and prepared something for you and you opted not to come to our shabby room but hey, that was understandable. Its your birthday, its your choice whom to spend it with.

I am happy to have known you. I knew we were bound to be friends when I realized you were gay. I love gay people. You guys makes my life a little lighter, a little happier.

We have been through a lot of happy times and inevitably sad. I knew that people just cant stop hating me especially when I open my mouth and spew TRUTH and I guess you were not an exception. But we remained friends and that is what i love about you. You are loyal and you were always there for me.

We may not see each other again as often as before but you are and always will be in my heart.

Thank you for making my life a little easier and a little bit happier. You have a friend in me.

Happy Birthday and may you have the happiness you truly deserve.

Love Always,

Me

The Kim Kardashian Wedding

I just finished watching a marathon of The Real Housewives of New Jersey and I chanced upon the Kardashian wedding. Its actually a two-part so the wedding prep was aired tonight and tomorrow will be the wedding.

In my opinion, of all the Kardashians I think I like her best. I was addicted at one point with the show but I am more of the Real Housewives addict. Anyway, I have seen that every time her sisters pick on her but I guess she was the prettiest and the most sensitive to her Mother. I like how she cancelled all her appointments just to be beside her Mom who wanted to have her chin fixed. By the way, they showed a part of the actual operation. I nearly fainted.

When Khloe Kardashian married Llamar Odom, she opted to be given away by her brother Rob K. I was appalled by that gesture. It was Bruce Jenner (Decathlon Olympic Gold Medalist) who raised them. I'm sure Khloe has her reasons but I guess I just liked Kim better now that I have known that she was given away by Bruce. The man who raised them and continued giving support to their family.

No disrespect but I would personally want to be given away by my Uncle, Papa Vi. He proved to be my strength during my time of desperation. He opened my eyes to be spiritual. I remembered having bible studies when I was a kid. He inculcated a lot of good things to us. He patiently looked for me when I decided to ran away from home at 15. He is always supportive. He sent me to school to get my degree in Hotel and Restaurant Management. He taught me how to love work.

I remembered vividly when he told me, "If you are asking God for something be specific." And I did, I prayed for a husband just like him. And that was exactly what I had.

Patient. Loving. God-fearing. Kind. Hardworking. 

I miss you Papa! See you soon! I love you!

To Wade or Not to Wade

Today we woke up thinking we will be apple picking at:

Sweet Berry Farm

19 3rd Beach Road

Middletown, RI 02842-5332

Unfortunately, there were no apples to be picked. Fortunately, there were pumpkins and a "pony" ride for Kylee. It was not really a pony. It was a huge HORSE. And the queue was insane I really want to shove everyone infront of us (Because I am impatient, except when I'm paid to wait and when its an opening of a shoe store!) but I decided not to because I am lazy to even try.

Anyway, Kylee had fun especially because she was wearing her new boots today. I told her that if she gets naughty i will send the boots to her BFF (Vanessa) and believe me when I say that this rugrat is a shoe-paholic in the making. Goodluck to you Daddy Carlos!

Today I want to react on a viral photo which is all over the facebook. This is apparently about a General in the Philippines whom the writer stated that should be fired from his job because he did not wade on the water while the American did not hesitate.

I must admit that it is quite appalling for someone of that stature to be carried by someone else but the truth of the matter is, that was his choice. And him being carried by someone else (Believe me, the guy was paid in full and that was his job of choice too!) should not be a ground for termination. I do not know this General, I'm pretty sure he doesn't know me as well and I am not defending the poor guy. But he most probably have a reason (pedicure, hello!) and even if he doesn't, that action did not define him as a General.

If he wanted to be carried, let him be. That's his choice. I'm sure he is good with his job after all you will not be a General if you are not. Let us not cast stones. Do I find it funny? Yes. Is he a disgrace to our country? Maybe. Should he be terminated? I guess not. 

The American probably doesn't mind at all. I think (and this is just my opinion!) we are more interested on what other people will say about us rather than doing our job. Clearly the job was not wading in the waters. We are too hospitable. That's why when we  work abroad we are being abused by our co-workers. They know that we'd rather just follow than be a leader. And most of us just stab everyone at the back rather than telling it to our co-workers point-blankly. 

I have nothing against the writer, Im sure he is passionate with this topic. And I respect the fact that he wanted to air his opinion. I love courageous people. All Im saying is, I dont think he should be terminated because of  this action.  

On second note, I hope my non-roadies who reads my blog know that I have the flag counter now therefore I know which peeps reads this. Oh and by the way, I hope Im not going to receive private messages on FB asking me to give them access to my photos.

Follow my blog and you will immediately have an access to the photos. That's it! Plain and simple!

Lovin' Life

I remembered thinking last night, what if I die tomorrow? What happens next? I guess everybody should be ready with all those what if's? So I decided upon waking up today, though my back is killing me, I need to continue living, being domesticated that I am right now, organize my closet and that includes my accessories, sell stuff I cant get into (sucks to be a fatty!) and plan more of GIVEAWAYS!

A lot of people would think that I am Ms. Material Girl! Though I would disagree with the whole context, I will probably agree. I love shopping. Not the spending but the idea of the good things in my cart makes me giddy! Its like an adrenaline rush. As you all know, Beamer is a bit of a "saver" and somehow he influenced me. So when I go to a shopping mall, I packed my cart and savor the good items I have. Then before check-out I slowly discard them and stick to what I need rather than what I want. You will really be surprised that you really do not need a lot! 

Yesterday, I brought Kylee on a shopping spree. The little girl was excited and she just cant hide it! She was all so giddy and laughing a lot. We got pants (pink, fuchsia and violet) and leggings and a dress. The most important thing of all, her boots. I wanted the purple girly boots for her but she insisted of a black one. I asked her why and she replied with the most sensible answer: I want something like yours! That answer is best and so the narcissistic ME gave in. Beamer was patiently waiting in the parking lot doing his fantasy football while Kylee and I were having a blast.

The best thing about yesterday was finding the best fairy wings. It was the hubster who found it and showed it to us. We also had the Bunny costume for Kylee. She wanted to have the boots to go with it. Beamer was really not pleased because he can be a bit uptight. We bought the tutu and bunny ears and he wanted a real bunny. I said, fun and girly bunny is actually the trend.

All I know is that we will have FUN!

I realized that, in order for us to live life we have to savor each moment. I am now into building memories. True, I love material things but its only because I love the finer things in life. I love looking at all pretty things and I love wearing all cute stuff. I love dressing the hubster everyday and I will most probably not get tired of that. I am just embracing all the good things that has happened to me. I am thankful to the unseen mover of all for giving me all the fine things in life. For my supportive family. For the real friends. For my roadies. For my wonderful hubster who just keeps getting better. I realized he really gets me. He does. And that is the most important thing of all.

I love you all. 

The Rollercoaster

I am still PMS-ing! The hubster calls it the rollercoaster ride. Beamer aka the Hubster has been very understanding and I'm a lovin'! I just don't know if he feels the same. You see, I cannot read minds. I can only negotiate. 

As you all know, Kylee is back in our crib. She will be here until after Halloween. We are both working on our outfits. We have a party to attend to and trick or treating at Barrington. So we need 2 costumes.

We all have agreed that on the Halloween party at Tiverton, Beamer will be Daffy Duck, I will be a sexy Bunny (that's hard to pull!) and Kylee will be a Fairy. We are still working on our wardrobe. I picked all black ensemble for Beamer (we just have to buy a beak!) and I already got my dress and shoes picked out. I still have to work with my accessories though. We already got a white dress for Kylee which we need to add a few things to POP!

The trick or treat is a bit of stretch. I will be the She-devil (As I really am!) and Beamer will be the Angel (that he is!) and Kylee wanted to be a BUNNY! Still working on the outfits on this one!

One thing I have learned in any occasion. You can never be too ready for something! So I will try my best to have everything ready a week before the occasion.

Wish me LUCK!

The Sky is Falling (Or Not!)

I was busy editing photos for my lookbook the other day and my computer broke down. It totally went black and after that, a burning smell. I was surprised by my reaction. It didn't bother me at all. Okay, I must admit that after a few minutes I was totally sad. Usually, I will be having a nervous breakdown. But when that happened, I realized that it was my computer's time.

I read somewhere (I am totally not reliable with my sources!) that the amount of the item you bought divided by the number of time you used it is its actual worth. The computer was free. On second thought, the most expensive thing I have is my French Connection pumps. Or is it my Caravela? Damn these shoes! They are expensive and I seldom use it!

I have been watching a lot of Rachel Zoe on Bravo. It inspires me. Plus the fact that lookbook is a fashion haven. There is this lady by the name of Aureta Thomollari, fashionable and classy and beautiful and elegant and all the pretty things to say. She embodies my aesthetic. And I am elated she actually fanned me on lookbook. 

I realized recently (while cleaning my closet) that I have gazillion clothes. Some of them I cannot fit into and I rarely used and some of them are just ghastly I do not have a clue why I bought it. And some of them I am saving to wear on special occasions. Then an amazing spark of theory woke me up!

What if we die tomorrow? What if its the end of the world? I know for a fact that I have been slacking for awhile and my fashion was disastrous for a few months because of my weight gain. So now I realized, I should not stop myself from wearing what I wanted to wear. I will try to be Fabulous!!!

And for the outfit I can no longer fit into, I have to hand them over to peeps who actually will take care of them.

PMS-ing Devil

I have heard through the grapevine that somebody I knew said: Why would I follow her blog? I have a lot of better things to do. 

You know what? I am not really forcing people to follow my blog. I AM NOT. Last time I checked its a free country. So you do as you please and I will do exactly the same.

Here's the thing. I feel that the people who really like me without reservations and hesitations really really deserve a little bit more than those kibitzers in my life. As I have said, I only like people who likes me. I only feel comfortable to open my house to friends and not strangers. So I'm sorry if you feel that you can no longer access my FB account by kibitzing and gossiping about my photos which may or may not have rubbed you the wrong way. People who adores me will have no qualms of following. They are not insecure!

I have really no problem with people gossiping about me. Really. I don't. But when I ask for something that I know you can give and you don't give it then that's a problem. Because I don't really ask a lot. All I want is an assurance that you can be there for me before I open another portal. 

Oh...and by the way, If I go visit your photos, I will and most likely comment on it. But if I don't, then I think you should not be bothered of doing the same as I don't really go to yours for a reason yet to be divulged. And if you think I am fugly, I believe you need a mirror yourself. What I do with my life is my business. What you do with yours is entirely up to you.

And Sweetie, if you have better things to do, I suggest you start with your wardrobe.