High Hopes

Kylee left our crib yesterday. Contrary to popular belief that we will again shed some tears like when we left Ondrej in Virginia, Beamer and I were on mindset already. So there were no tears, though we will surely miss her. See? Everything should be a mindset.

Today is another day to be busy. I finished wrapping my "gifts" for my flower girls and usherettes yesterday and now I wanted to make more wedding decor. As usual, I am domesticated so I need to do my chores. Then when Beamer arrive from work, we will go to David's Bridal to look for a gown. Then visit this outlet store for quality curtains. He loves the idea of having those.

I have high hopes that this week will be a more productive week.

Elated, Enliven, Exhilarated

Whenever I feel down, I talk to my Lola (grandmother) and even if she passed away 2006, I still feel that she guides me. I have her photo (with me) framed in Dubai and now I had it on our fridge. I love her! She is the epitome of a matriarch. And most of all, I know she loves me. To my cousins and sibs, I am biased. Write your own blog.

Anyway, whenever I felt needing something she gives it to me. Especially if it is of the essence. I've been asking her to give me something for months. And yesterday, when I least expected it, it arrived. Beamer was as jubilant as me.

Life is really tough for other people but I have always been grateful to the unseen mover of all for making everything  easy as a flick of a finger for me. Sometimes I feel that I am not worthy for the blessings.

Unbeknownst to everyone, I am very spiritual. Not necessarily religious, but I am spiritual. I believe in God who is powerful and omnipotent. I believe that we reap what we sow. I believe that he will give us what is due us. I believe.

"When God push us to the edge of the cliff there is only one thing which will happen. Either he will catch us when we fall, or he will teach us how to fly." 

The Endless Pursuit of Happiness

Cyprus was a revelation for me. I may not have known what I wanted in there but I surely learned what I never wanted from the start. And that alone is considered a revelation.

People go on with their lives never realizing what they wanted. And I am just happy and thankful to the unseen mover of all for clearing my mind. I can now see clearly without trepidation. Life is unfolding. 

Yesterday, we went to the beach. Kylee was overflowing with happiness and cant hide that feeling so she started chasing the seagulls. Then we went to the park and watched a mini rock concert in Newport. We had dinner at Via Via-Newport.

Today, I need to finish blogging and do some chores. I am so domesticated. I have to clean the rooms because I will be having guests this weekend. This is gonna be another busy day.

We might go to a jewelry shop and inquire about prices of wedding ring cleaning. Drop some clothes for dry cleaning. Then shop some necessary things. I think I will bring the cold pasta I made, drop by at Marzilli's for a Hero and have a picnic in the park.

I'm thinking of going to the beach tomorrow if Sugar arrives at 2pm. Im sure we will have a blast in the sun.

I cant wait to start looking for a bridal gown. 

Egg or Chicken

Lets talk about something meaty today:

I just had an amazing spark of theory. Its liken to a light bulb flashing on my brain.


Last night, Beamer & I had a discussion about "pleasing people" and it ended with me going to bed sooner so he would think Im mad but I was just really sleepy. I just dont like cycling conversations. Something like, which came first, the egg or the chicken?


I stated, There is nothing wrong with pleasing people. That was my job and I loved it. (Referring to my previous job as a Guest Relations Supervisor.) The best thing about it is I get paid by pleasing people.


Now with regards to the environment outside my workplace. I still stand to what I have stated: There is nothing wrong with pleasing people. But people who deserves it. I can please you and give you enormous amount of BS. But would you rather me giving you that? Or do you prefer me to say the truth and nothing but?


With Beamer being sensitive with the issue, claiming he was not pleasing anyone but me. Which I still doubt because everybody pleases someone at one point or another. Whether they like it or not. Whether they accept or deny it.


With this in mind, let me just reiterate that:


I only please people when Im paid (oh no, not that pleasing thing. That is another topic to be tackled.) with a salary. I can only please at a short leash. And if it is not reciprocated I will take it against you. You do not deserve me as a friend and you should be eradicated from the circle of trust.


Time and time again I have always said that I love people who loves me. Those who hate me is really not of my interest because really, people who hates me are insecure and bitter. And I only choose my enemies, because they should be of my level and those who arent are really just non-entity.


When I was on my teens I had OCD. My shoes should be perfectly aligned. My bed perfectly tucked. My bag perfectly placed. And then I started drinking. And all hell broke loose. But when that happened, it was the greatest time of my life.


Some people might remember their teenage life with an enormous amount of angst and bitterness. I dont. I honestly had the most amazing journey. I may not be proud of what I did before but I most certainly am with what I have become. People honestly believed I will be a LOSER (and maybe I still am) and end up in an institution or perhaps someone they can refer to their children as "You do not want to be when you grow up."


These people who judged and disparaged me, claimed to be prophets with the thought of me being a LOSER when I grew up are really the ones I have to be thankful for. I wanted to spew "How dare you doubt my powers, you puny insect!" but Id rather quote Og Mandino: "I shall not allow any man to belittle my soul by making me hate them." 


We are who we are because of past experiences. Pleasing people is not that bad but over-compensating is. Your friends should understand your flaws and vice versa. You do not need to reach out to people who clearly do not want to be part of your lives. 

A Gloomy Day in The Riv

Saturday was an exhausting day. Beamer dropped Ky and I for some vintage shopping. There was not a lot of items for my business. I had some nice pieces for my Mom but I think I am in doubt if it will fit her now.


We then went to my favorite store, Marshalls. I got some nice slip-ons and Ky had her shoes for the Farm Wedding. She also wanted to buy a wedge strapped sandals but I think at age 4 she should stick with flats. Its more age appropriate. I dont care if Suri Cruise does it with grace. A sprained ankle at that age should be the least  of your concern.


Anyway, the Jessica Simpson sandals doesnt have my size. I was bummed but now I feel that I wanted a Sperry. Hehehehe!


I bought some other stuff too. Okay, a lot of stuff. I met Beamer's colleague at Marshalls and she saw my cart and told him: "Your wife is making some damage." Hahahahaha! Bee-otch!


Sunday, I rearranged and decorated our "Summer Room". Its the guest room but Beamer like to sleep there during Summer coz its more accessible to the bathroom. I was thinking of giving it a Beach-y feel but opted to have a Southern Vintage feel instead. There are still lots of cords to be fixed but I finished cleaning it. I don't care whether peeps don't like it as long as the hubster love it and dig the Southern Vintage theme.

Yesterday, we went to Walmart for groceries and Michaels for my arts stuff. I made another headband for Kylee. I will be working on some headbands for Sophia and Ella as well.

Today, were supposed to go to the beach but I guess its a bit gloomy in The Riv. I might proceed with cleaning the other room as well. I'm done cleaning our Masters but I still need to decide the theme of that room coz when I took out the quilt hanging on the wall it had the stiffness I was not expecting. I want rooms to have a soft and homey feeling. But for now, I don't want to waste my energy on that. I want to clean the Office/3rd room.

I Love to Hate

I love Desert Safari's. I had 2. Once with the Gay Council (Kimmy, BB & Perpie) circa 2008 and then with Beamer last year. And I think those 2 Desert Safari trips are enough of a memory to last a lifetime.

Though right now everything is on a slow motion I think that the time will come where my life will be fast paced again. All I'm saying is that, we all have our ups and downs. I am still lucky to be moving on. And most especially, moving forward.

Beamer and I dated for almost a year until he proposed. I love him so much and sometimes inevitably, hate him. I am a hater you see. If there is a day that I don't hate on one person or an object then its not me. To know me is to hate me. But to those who go beyond hating ends up understanding and then realizing that there is no more room in their hearts to hate me because I have consumed all the space allocated for hatred. Then slowly the hatred deteriorates and they realize that all the words I spewed are right and though I rubbed them the wrong way I have contributed a huge amount of influence in their lives. Whether they accept it or not, their lives may have been miserable at one point because of me and my doing BUT I was a major part of who they are and what they have become.

People sometimes think of me as friendly. I think I am. But once I get to know people and they make me feel uncomfortable I make sure I give it back to them twice as much. Don't get me wrong, work is work. Its different from my personal life. Nobody slacks on my watch. But out of work, I don't care what you do with your lives because you are not my friend. I get possessive with friends. I make sure I tell them the truth and nothing but. I can be super rude but hey, deep inside you know that I am not just a friend, I am an ally. I can give more than you expect of me and most of all, I provide fashion sense.

 I feel that since your other friends don't say anything and just stab you at the back, I prefer doing it in the front.

Apparently, I still am the person everybody loves to hate!

And I am loving it!

{Featured Fashionista} Patricia Del Rosario

Nota Bene: I am a narcissist. Its a declarative statement. Hence, I decided that during lucid intervals I will be featuring a Fashionista. Someone who reminds me of myself at one point or another. 

 I met Patricia (whom I fondly call Patring) when I worked in Dubai at one of the 5* hotels. Habtoor Grand Resort & Spa is the breeding ground of great people. All of us has to start somewhere.

The thing about working in an obtrusive environment is that, it stagnates you. It could be because of a certain stability that you feel from a meager salary or the indolence of having to combat another bout of training or even a love you want to grasp in your hands.

It stagnates you. It does.

You try to work hard thinking you will be compensated but they require more from you so you give more. You give more until there is nothing left of you to give.

And then one day you wake up thinking that you are in a difficult situation but you never knew from then that leaving is the most equitable decision you have ever made in your entire life.

Then you look back from that time that you think is the most crucial part, you smile because we know that from the deepest recesses of our hearts, we know we made the best decision ever.

Going back to Patricia, she has the alabaster skin which everyone adores. A body which is to die for. The beauty. The glow.

I remembered when Russian girls calls her Babushka (grandmother) in her great attempt to hide her voluptuousness. But like class, it can never be hidden. It will spring and will illuminate.

Patricia is a Fashionista in every sense of the word.

I have always been awed by her outward appearance but there is simply more to this beauty.
The reason why I can relate to her is because at one point in my life I have been through hell and high waters and she reminds me of what I am. 

A Fighter. A Believer. A Survivor.