Live A Life

circa 2006

On my recollection I have always been trendy. When I was in high school I was one of the girls who wear Guess pants and shirts long before Guess became a household name. I wore a pink Nike footwear even before Jolina Magdangal played with colors. Let me admit something which I never did before, I was ugly. Hahahaha! My Uncle, who was a hairstylist cut my hair like Demi Moore's in ghost and my mother was furious.

Nanay: This haircut is so ugly!
Me: This is Demi Moore!
Nanay: You are my daughter and for me you are beautiful but Demi Moore doesn't have a flat nose. She can pull a short haircut.
(Ladies and Gentlemen, my Mother!)

To say that I was Ugly in High School is an understatement. I was skinny. I never wore a real bra until I was in College. I wore a baby bra. I was never sexy. I didn't have boobies. I was skinny. My classmates tease me as a lizard and that dogs love me because I am a walking bone. My hair is atrocious! I used to pull my hair because it felt so good and then I realized that I was losing my hair and I stopped before I became completely bald. 

With some ugly features I must say that I have a nice skin when I was younger. While everyone have zits the size of Kilimanjaro, I had pristine skin. While my classmates were all into their puppy loves, I was into Barbie and Ken. I must admit, I had a lot of crushes but I was confused. Hell! I graduated High School when I was 15 so it goes without saying that Im a little bit immature than most of my classmates. That vacation I had my first boyfriend. It was not a "real boyfriend" in every sense. I got turned off when my brother antagonized the so-called relationship. I swear on Kurt Cobain's grave that I did not kiss that guy. At all!

College was the start of my LIFE. Though I still felt ugly, I was more of the life of a party. I met gazillion people and a handful remain true friends. I may not be proud of what I did but I sure am proud of what I have become.

People probably think I will be a loser. Maybe I was. Maybe I am.

But the truth of the matter is, the pursuit of happiness is unfathomable because nobody will ever be happy if they are not contented of what they have. 

I lived a life. And I am happy I did.

"To live intensely is a basic human necessity."
— Jessica Zafra (Twisted 8 1/2)

YOU

"We are the product of the choices we make."

I have met a handful of people who dont take any responsibility of their action. They want to blame everyone else but themselves where in fact, they are the sole person who put themselves on their own predicament.

It is calamitous! It is a disaster!

Our parents often tell us not to trust strangers and to choose our friends. I never really choose friends. As I have stated before, I love only those who loves me. I am however a paranoid. I was never really trusting. Sometimes, the friends you think will be your ally will stab you at the back.

People sometimes blame other people for making their lives miserable. It is them who made themselves miserable. Sometimes, they blame their parents for not sending them to school but it is them who opted to choose vices than have a degree. Sometimes they blame men for ruining their lives and having them impregnated but guess what? It takes two to tango. You can not blame your parents that you got yourself pregnant. They were probably not there when you were consumed with lust. And don't just blame the man. I think it is both your mistake and the least you can do is own it.

You are who are you now because of what you have done to yourself. There is no one else to blame but yourself. At the same time, if you are happy with what you have become, it is only necessary that you go out and treat yourself for a drink or two because you are the sole person responsible to get you wherever you are right now.

And for those who are not yet in the state of happiness, there is still time. There is still time. Seal your fate with the choices you make.

My Hardworking Hubster

Today is the last working day of Beamer. There will be a 2 week vacay which he most probably will spend golfing. I have no doubt. I kept on bringing up a vacay in New York but he is so stressed with all the work stuff so he told me that after today I can talk to him about the wedding and any plans for the vacay. Yay!

Our date night was cancelled last night because he was asked by the hospital to work another shift. The hubster has officially 4 jobs. His main job is at school for the kids with special needs and he part-time at the hospital for kids with special needs too. Aside from that he works part time (one on one) with another kid with special needs teaching them to be productive and adapt socially. He now applied for a work which he calls an exercise, a mover at the Dunkin Donuts Center. He started when the Cirque du Soleil was in town and he loved it. He just doesn't stop working. I am just amazed!

Which reminds me, I need to be more aggressive with my business. Anyone who wants to sell previously owned pants at a low price just call me and we can arrange something.

Stress at its Finest

Beamer left for work at around 6:30am. I slept after he left because I felt really sleepy. I woke up around 11:30am when he called as he left several text messages.
 

My Farm Wedding is near and I have never felt so alarmed. Really! During our City Hall wedding, I was calm as the Pacific Ocean during summer. Though there was a blizzard and the snow hindered my guest to park, I still felt really okay! True, it was so surreal! Like what a first wedding is supposed to be. I remembered thinking: "This is it! No turning back! There is still time! RUN!"

Beamer and I had a rough time. We had a love which blossomed in its course. I love him more and more. True, I get irritated at times. But hey! Im a hater! I breath to hate! It is but natural!

I told him once when we were arguing that I am starting to hate him. And he said, its my prerogative to hate him as long as he is a good and responsible husband. And he will never hate me.

With him at least having the balls to lie that he never once hated me, I guess made me love him more. It takes guts to lie to me. Though I hate liars, I hate bad liars more. The least you guys can do is to lie and be good at it!

Where was I?

This Farm wedding is making me crazy! I am not panicking but I somehow felt in my gut that I need to. And that's what I hate about it.

Let me try to do more decors. We will be having a date night tonight. I don't know what to wear!

The Boondock Saints

The Boondock Saints is a 1999 American crime thriller film written and directed by Troy Duffy. The film stars Sean Patrick Flanery andNorman Reedus as Irish fraternal twins, Connor and Murphy McManus, who become vigilantes after killing two members of the Russian Mafia in self-defense. After both experience an epiphany, the brothers, together with their friend (David Della Rocco), set out to rid their home city of Boston, Massachusetts of crime and evil; all the while being pursued by FBI Special Agent Paul Smecker (Willem Dafoe).

As I cant get enough of Sean Patrick Flanery since I saw an episode of him in Criminal Minds, I feel the sudden urge to write about him.

The Boondock Saints Team arrived in the hotel. I was responsible of the meet and greet and I have 3 colleagues to help me. Sevinch, who was oblivious of what's happening. Wendy, who was smitten. And Henry, who was really, really smitten.

The rooms as usual were not ready. I asked for their credit cards and passports and did the check-in's myself. Henry and Wendy gave the juice and made the key. Afterwards, I asked them to start escorting the VIP's. 

Sean Patrick Flanery was carrying his own duffel bag the size of my luggage. And when I say my luggage, that must be huge! I never travel light. 

He was the cutest thing I've ever seen in the hotel. His body is so inviting. Like it was telling me to put my head on his chest or something. Then, as reflex I asked him: "Can I help you with your luggage, Mr. Flanery?"

I think he almost poop his pants laughing because I am so tiny compared to his muscled body. Hey! Dont get me wrong, I am not really into men who has six pack abs. For me that's so gay! But he just looks so delish! 

Oh, I'm sorry, Am I married?

Crazy Old Me

Scene: I was reprimanding Kylee because she was talking to me in a disrespectful tone. 

Me: You have to be respectful to elders. Do you know how old I am? Do you know?

Kylee: Yes Ma'am! You're old!

(And as I was about to tell her that with old age comes respect..)

Kylee: You're 27!

Me: Yes! I'm old! I'm 27!

Pardon me while I die of laughter for a minute. The Farm Wedding is my 28th birthday then. 

On my recollection, I was crazy! People love me for being crazy! People thought I can be a stand up comedian and rival Kathy Griffin. That was a long long time ago back then Kathy G. is not as famous as today. From time to time, I still get a few chuckle but I guess my cynicism impedes me to pursue making people laugh.  I was just not cut out for that!

Sometimes, I still feel like I'm crazy as I was ages ago! I still feel the urge to smack people when they say stupid things. I was not called an "amazon" for nothing. I have always been very generous to people. Some people might disagree but if they give it a long thought for sure they will realize that I have given them something. 

A smile. A gift. A time. A moment. A shoulder to lean on. An ear to listen to their whinings. A piece of advice. A fashion sense.

There's got to be something!

Just A Thought

Taken at Sophocleus Residence in Pafos, Cyprus

I started writing at an early age. I would not say that I am good at it please do not misunderstood. What I am saying is, I started early. That's it. Period.

I was probably encouraged by my nosy mother to have a diary when I was a kid. We could not afford a psychiatrist. When I was on my teens until my 20's, I started a journal which still exist on an attic in my mother's house in a small town called Nabua. 

I love that place, I cannot imagine a childhood without remembering that town. Its a small town so its only logical to say that everybody knows everybody, therefore gossip is on massive accounts. But that didn't bother me at all. As I have said, I love being the subject of ridicule. And I don't give a flying FIG!

I am however a late bloomer. While my classmates are getting chummy with the boys, I opted playing Barbie. In high school. Who does that? Still, writing vs. psychiatrist helped.

I had my first boyfriend when I was 15. I just graduated from High School and I think it was more of a fascination. I never kissed the guy. We held hands and he put his head on my shoulder which my sister Sugar misconstrued on a different angle that we were kissing. Up to this day she attest to that. BA-NA-NAS! And though there was a saying which goes "Fist Love Never Dies" I guess he was not my first love. It was something I call, a fascination.

And after that? Ok, here's the thing. If I will write about my past relationships, I have no qualms about. However, I might (AGAIN) hurt their feelings. I am not called the "Devil Incarnate" for nothing. Mwahahahahaha!

On my recollection, Boys were actually the subject I love to write about. Its the amusing fact that however they think they differ, they are so much similar. Its hard to find a Man. The transformation is crucial. I think that's why boys dont really like me. I have gazillion gay friends and very rare to have boy friends. We just dont seem to mesh. Its always a clash. I guess its because I have bigger balls than them.

I cannot blame them. I cannot. 

I always have been braver than them. At some point smarter. Some of them thinks I'm an idiot. Maybe I am. Maybe it was forced to let them shine and boost their confidence.

Bottom line is, writing is good. It will save you lots of sessions with a shrink. The money you save can buy shoes. The time you saved can be spent strutting those new skyscraper stilletos.

Who needs to sit on a chair and blabbermouth everyone and still be ripped off with a fee? When you can actually just go to your friends and gossip for free?

Ponder on that!