911 Day

"Obviously, Sept. 11th will never be the same. It was originally designated as National 9-1-1 Day, but the terrorist attacks of 2001 has shifted the focus considerably. President George W. Bush proclaimed Sept. 11th as "Patriot Day," and it's expected that--understandably--national celebrations will focus on the first responders who handled the terrorist attacks, and first responders across the nation."

911dispatch.com   

10 years ago, the most powerful country in the world was attacked. Today we commemorate the heroes and the lives of many who were short-lived but I hope to be a meaningful one.

The priest on the Sunday mass today stated that everyone was devastated on that day. Everyone knew exactly what they were doing and what they felt, right after that. I don't really remember what I was doing on that exact moment. I don't even know where I was during that moment. But I remembered how I felt after hearing the news. 

True it was devastating. It was scary. It was gruesome. It was depressing. Frustrating. Aggravating. It was complete darkness for the ones who lost their loved ones. It was enlightening for those who were saved. It was life changing for those who escaped and cheat death. It was an emotional chaos.

I will not discuss how terrorism will not solve problems or how its supporters risk their lives thinking that suicide bombings are going to save humanity. I will not go near the topic of TERRORISM. It is depressing to know that some people think that they are saving people by killing them. 

I do not want to watch the news or the specials for the 911 victims and heroes, not because I don't symphatize but because I do. I feel their loss. I feel the grief. I feel the nothing-ness. I do not want to watch them because their suffering is contagious and I do want to make them feel better, but what can I do? In times of sorrow, it is better to sit with them than open your mouth. There are no words that can ease away the pain.

For me, it is time to move on. To move forward. For the people who are responsible of taking care of their own, continue. And for those who has blood in their hands, repent. It is in time of crippling sorrow that we learn how to gather courage and stand. And I hope once again, America will be great!

I will not rant about how people offended me today. This is the day I keep silent about myself. This is the day I pray for peace. And peace like love and all other things, start from within.

Don't get me wrong. Tomorrow is another day!

Finding a Prince

"You can not make someone love you. You can not be thin enough or white enough or famous enough. The choice is entirely the other person's. Then again, you might try hypnosis."
— Jessica Zafra (Chicken Pox for the Soul)

I was a fool. During college I thought I'm going to find the man of my dreams and we will live happily ever after. Well, first I did not find any "man" and on the course of my fairy tale pursuits I realized there are no happy ever after. See, you will only know that you had a happy ending when you die. But then again, you died. So where is the happiness there?

I love breathing. I told my sister Sugar that if I hang myself and left a suicide note that will be a foul play. She needs to have my body autopsied or something. Why would I end my life when clearly I can make my enemies lives miserable just by existing?

Let me tell you a story:

When I was 18 I had a GINORMAS (gigantic, enormous, massive) crush on this bad-ass looking boy from Chicago. He is clearly not handsome. I was clearly blinded. I "loved" him from afar. He is always with his friends. I was always tongue-tied. Intimidated.

One day, while my sister Sugar had a sleepover in my boarding house there was a loud knock on my door. I was like, WTF?
Me: Who is it? (while dressing up)
knock-knock-knock
Me: WHO IS IT?
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK
Me: WHAT THE F....
(I opened the door and saw him standing in there.)

Clearly I was not expecting that. Clearly I just woke up. Clearly, I was giddy.

We were standing in front of the door and I went outside to ask him if he needed anything. Like ask me the whereabouts of common friends but he did not. He was asking me out. I was confused. Is this a friggin' joke? I told him I cant because my sister was there but he said he can pick me up tomorrow.

Fast forward. I totally forgot the whole scenario but when we went for a movie it was a major major disaster!

We went to the movie house and he bought the ticket. He then said, I can go to the movie house first then he will just follow. I was again, confused. Maybe he saw some other girl he was dating. Maybe he saw his Mother. Clearly he was suddenly uncomfortable. I went ahead. He bought some soda and stuff.

He attempted to hold my hand and I brushed it off. All through the movie I was thinking, this boy whom I have a tremendous crush is not the man of my dreams. I totally zoned. I said, I'm going to the restroom. And I never came back.

I moved on. He could have been the perfect boyfriend but not mine. I realized that he may have been looking for someone better. I may have been insecure during that time but he was clearly not the guy for me. I know. I know. That was obnoxious of me to leave him there but it felt so right to do that.

And I felt soooo COOL!

In relationships, I guess its better to quit while you are ahead. Some masochists would stay in a relationship which is not working. I will not. It takes two to tango. If one person do not want to make the relationship work then it will not work. So for those who are single and currently dating, be with a man who will love you for who you are. A man who thinks that you look beautiful even if you just woke up. A man who makes breakfast. Or Dinner. A man who will constantly think of you all through the day. A man who will stand by you no matter what. A man who will understand your tantrums and PMS. A man who respects you and treats you right. A man who loves you and trust you. A man who will make you as a priority.

Do not stay in a relationship for all the wrong reasons. Do not stay on a relationship for money. Do not be a home wrecker. Do not settle to be 2nd best. You are worthy. You are a Goddess. In your own special way.

Do not settle for anything less.

Channeling Jessica Zafra

"Beware of those who have never been bored, depressed, or angry. There is something seriously wrong with them."
— Jessica Zafra (Chicken Pox for the Soul)

I was never a fan of hypocrisy. My work made it worse. I used to deal with guests who are so irrational that I wanted to strangle them with my bare hands. I just convinced myself: At least I am getting paid and I will not be imprisoned.

The whole duration of my existence I have met people from all walks of life. Rich. Poor. Tailor. Doctor. You name it, I have met them. I met people who'd rather have a new dress and beg for food. I met gay guys I love. I met closet gays. I met closet gays and they came out. I met happy people. Lonely. Depressed. I met crazy. I am crazy. 

I met people who pretend to be happy even if from the bottom of their hearts they wanted to drown themselves. I met people who pretended to be lonely so you can empathize of their demise.  I met new friends and loved old ones. I let go of some because they are not worthy. I kept some because they are.

I will never ever ever force myself to someone. Those who treat me as their friend will forever be in my heart. And those who stab me at the back needs to be eradicated from the circle of trust.
Sometimes you think that the people who stays are the people who loves you and care for you. Think of the motives. Do they stay because they love you or because they have  no choice? Do they stay because they want to manipulate the crappy shit out of you?

In your most miserable state, when you have hit rock bottom, think about the people whom you think has been nasty. Are they stating a fact? Are they telling the truth? Are they putting some sense on your irrational mind? Are they making you wake up from your convoluted dream? Then, these people are not exactly enemies. These people are actually friends. They stab you in the front. They tell it to you upfront. The HARD CORE TRUTH that you have been avoiding for so long.

Its a shitty world. This is not the Columbus and Magellan's era. This is the world that NOBODY can dominate, not even you (my dear literary goddess) Jessica Zafra.

Ayuda Me

My apologies for claiming that I will wear something chic. I wore something cute yesterday. I think I was right on with my outfit at the Clambake. Simple but trendy.

There were lobsters, corns, 3 types of sausages, potatoes, quahog stuffing, clams and clam chowder. I love the creamy clam chowder. Its the BOMB! I love it! Im a fan.

Today is yet another day to do my stuff. I am solely investing all my efforts into cleaning the guest room which Beamer wanted to be called as The Southern Room. I can smell flowers coming my way.

I figured, let me just do one thing at a time. The Southern Room, some household chores and my wedding decors. That's about it.

I bought a Calvin Klein bra yesterday and took a 34C by mistake. I need to return it but the Hubster is jam-packed with  things to do at work. So we will just do it tomorrow and then vintage shopping for tablecloths for the wedding. I also need to buy some clear photo magnets at Walmart. Ahhhhhhh!

Can someone from above send some help? 

Happy Labor Day

Were attending the Labor Day Clambake at Grandpa Dan's Farm in Swansea, Massachusetts. The farm was supposedly our venue for the Farm Wedding but due to inevitable circumstance we have to move to Francis Farm.

Im wearing a summery outfit. Casual and Chic. I think. I will be posting photos in the next few days. No promises. Im a bit stressed because of too many things to do.

I'm a MESS. And today, I am a mess celebrating Labor Day.

Labor Day Weekend

I am addicted to sunglasses and I love collecting them. I love the fact that they hide my eyes and my eyebags from the sun. I love how it makes an outfit stand out. I just cant have enough.

Today, I felt like singing the Bruno Mars' Lazy song. Im just blogging and reading my new October issue of Lucky Mag. Thanks to my Mom who paid for the subscription. I also wrote the Lucky customer service because I clearly did not receive a bag which they claimed I should have. Asked them if  can even have two because of the inconvenience. Hahaha!

Yesterday, Beamer and I went to the Francis Farm. Its where the wedding will take place. While I was skype-ing with Sissy, we have covered the place and the weather. Thank God its going to be a sunny day! Luvvvvveeeettt!

My job for today consists of continuing the wedding decors, facebooking, blogging (all 3 of them!), start my newest blog (which will never show my face!), make the timeline of the wedding, make the wedding program and be the domesticated goddess that I am.

With regards to fashion, I feel like dressing down nowadays. I think its because the hubster has a very laid back fashion. Nevertheless, it still depends on my mood. My muscle spasm is returning. I remembered a time we were on our way to NY and I was crying because of the pain and he brought me to the hospital. I hate hospitals. I hate the depressing atmosphere. 

Oh well! We only live once. 

I Love to Hate (Part Deux)

I was on a "cheese nips" binge-ing with my sister Sugar and she told me that I am evil. I am. I really am. My mother told the hubster during the course of his courtship that I can be really really nice but if I am treated badly I give it back ten folds.

I would have to agree. 

"I'd rather be a bitch than a doormat." 
— Jessica Zafra

Let me tell you something about myself, I have nothing to do. I can dedicate my life ruining yours and making you miserable so do not try my patience because it is wearing thin. I will not submit in your BS because if I am a nobody, you are just as nobody as me. How dare you doubt my powers you puny little insect. I will squash you like a bug!

The last 2 sentences I've read somewhere. Nevertheless, you have been warned. You have a lot of things to do and problems to tackle. Make sure you don't step on your bounds because little person, you do not know me. YOU do not know what I can do.

This is not a threat, this is a PROMISE.