Dress Accordingly

"Dress according to your body and not according to your age." I recently read this somewhere. I am not reliable with the source because I have gazillion fashion magazines.


I have to admit that I have been slacking when it comes to my fashion for the past few months. This is because of my body. I have been doing a yo-yo! The hubster bought me a weighing scale just so I could monitor my weight.

Most recently I am on LOOKBOOK. I re-entered my tweeter account. I have been a domesticated wifey. General cleaning with my 2 guest rooms. Trying to make our crib a little bit livable. A little bit prettier. A little bit happy.

The hubster (aka Beamer) and I are on the process of contemplating and deciding whether we buy the house we love or wait for a few more years. The house is not so pretty. It has 2 small bedrooms, a small living room, a small dining room, a basement and a massive property. The previous owner has a 7 yard of grapes erected on his property. (When I saw it, I want to make it a little bit higher and we can have wooden table under the grapevine and dinner with family and friends will be so "preppy".) The property is so good that it was overlooking the bay. It is the ONLY house on that block with unobstructed view. It is A-MAZING!

Anyway, the first time we went inside the house Beamer chatted with the neighbors who are the grandsons of the owner. There was a deer, yeah, you read it right, A DEER! The deer was heading their directions. The kids (Ondrej & Kylee) were ecstatic and shouted: Santa Claus. They were probably thinking if the deer is there then Santa will be following. Makes sense.

For Beamer, it was a sign. An approval from the previous owners, may they rest in peace.

For me, the house is not my style. The rooms are so small. BUT if the hubster loves it, I will oblige. After all, this man married me twice, that must've meant a lot. Right?

The WHY

Most of you are wondering why I deleted my photos. It was a spur of the moment decision. It liberates me. 

I am feeling bitchy today more than any days of my life. I just don't get that some people take time to read, dig deep into my thoughts, talk about it and refuse to follow my blog. I guess they don't want to show me that they read my blog (or follow it) because they have an agenda. A very insecure agenda.

I have tried to delete "friends" on FB and they still invited me. So I figured, what the heck! I just wont show my photos to everyone. I have a blog and to differentiate my roadies to the "hoi polloi" I will provide an access to my photos.


So please don't make it personal that I do not show you photos anymore. I guess if you want to get something from me it is just fair that I get something from you. Hey! I'm not asking for money!


Ponder that!

Unobstructed Rage

There is hatred in my heart. The kind which makes my head spin and make me do stupid things. Like ran away from it all. The kind of hatred which makes me want to cry for hours but opted not to because of too much hatred. The kind of hatred which makes me jump the bridge, except that I dont know how to swim.

I am getting NUTS!

I want to do a lot of things and yet starting seems to be the hardest part.

It is! Learning how to walk seems to be too hard for babies. Learning how to ride a bike gave me a lot of scars on my legs. Learning how to love, scars in my heart. Learning how to trust.

I am consumed with hatred. I cannot even begin to start this blog. Where is it coming from? I dont know. Maybe from past experiences. Maybe from bitterness. Maybe from the deepest recesses of my being. I just know that I have a lot of hatred inside me and its just sitting there in the crevasse of a tiny little heart of mine waiting to be triggered by almost anything.

I love spending time with old people. They seem all settled with everything. They just dont care about life that much anymore. Maybe because they have exhausted themselves already. I cant say I cant wait to be old but I just cant continue hating. I hope there will be people who will teach me how to calm my heart. Otherwise I will be wearing a straitjacket sooner than expected and people will rejoice. Okay, not all because what do they care right? 

Stranger Danger

I woke up from a dream. Nasty sick dream. Scary.

Ondrej and Kylee were playing outside the room where Sugar and I were chatting. It was a house in the country. Small and the neighbors were far.

All of a sudden, Ondrej shouted, "Mommy a man took Kylee." Sugar and I were looking around and we were both screaming her name. We realized the perp would not be that far. We kept running and some kids were pointing to their direction. We ran and ran and we saw a lady with a bike. We got her bike and I drove and Sugar was at the back. We arrived in a college and students were confused but still managed to look at the direction we were looking for. Its like they knew what we were looking and just the direction of where they look helped us without uttering a word. Then it was dead end and we kept on screaming. Kylee was like struggling under a blanket with the pedophile. She opened the blanket and I started punching the man. Sugar started punching him too but I was too tired from driving the bike so I cant punch as hard and decided to bite him but then I realized he could have AIDS I started slapping him.

Then Kylee woke me up. I told her about my dream and that she should not talk to strangers.

As you all know, I love watching Criminal Minds, Law & Order SVU, CSI and all those gruesome sociopaths and psychopaths. So the dream scared me. All my dreams seems true.

Children are stubborn and naughty by nature. It is expected of them. If they cant talk to you they will seek attention from others. It is however the adults responsibility to teach them. The time to teach them about safety and precautions is now. The time to be firm with your kids is now. The time to provide them with knowledge is now. The time to inculcate the danger of "talking to strangers" is now.

The time is NOW. And it starts with YOU.

My Wedding Gown

During my City Hall wedding I was appalled by my hair. I felt like a lunatic. And everyone who knew me probably realize that I am not going to post a lot of those photos. It was a bad hair day. But the Farm Wedding, I was thankful to my friend, Maricel Santerre for the hair and make-up. Also to Phiay who painstakingly made sure gazillion hair pins will hold my hair.

I am thankful to a lot of people and I guess I did not mention them during our "Thank You" speech because I was so tired and stressed and wanted to strangle a few people who wanted to ruin my day.

I would like to thank my new family, The Lods family for being there and for their assistance. I am grateful and appreciative that you have welcomed me in the family with open arms. Each and everyone of you made our day special. 


To Cousin Tony Dominioni and Liza, thanks for my drinks and making me feel a little bit calmer during the wedding. 

To the Sunaz family. To my Father, Auntie Esther, Dudz and May for helping out when all hell broke loose. Thank you.

To the Sacayan-Llacer family. I am grateful that you drove 17hours from Durham, North Carolina to Seekonk, Massachusetts. Thank you for helping me with the decors. 

To Maricel Santerre, my new friend who loves "laing", Thank you for the help with my hair and make-up and for organizing the maniped a day before. 

To the Salazar's family, you guys are the best. Thank you for being a trooper. The kids are phenomenal and really well behaved. And you guys drove all the way from Canada to Massachusetts just to make sure that everything will fall to its place. Thank you so much!

To Phiay Carino Photography.

Thank you for the amazing photos! You're the best!

To Sugar (my lil' sister) who made sure that everything is fine and in order. For calming me down. For the love and support. For everything. Love you and Kulas bunch!

To my Nanay, my number one fan! Thank you for making sure that I will keep my sanity. 

To all of you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. I love you all. Words are not enough.

All Apologies

Francis Farm-Rehoboth, MA

My apologies for not blogging sooner. After the Farm Wedding (and my birthday) last September 17 which ended at 4pm at the Farm, I collapsed on my bed. By 8pm we went to the after party in Ramada where the hubster got a room. Apparently he was pushed in the pool and his phone was all wet. I on the other hand just stayed in our crib with my fam.

I had 2 shots of tequila and I was hammered. The next day I went to the john like 10 million times. I was dehydrated and vomitted my esophagus. I was a wreck! But I woke up around 3pm and met my friend, Mommy at the Cliff Trail in Newport with my fam.

The next day we went to Cape Cod.

The 20th I went shopping with my fam.

The 21st, everybody left. That was the start of me being SICK!

I am still sick today. I called Francis Farm for some details which needed to be fixed. And it was!

I will be posting the wedding photos soon. Probably on my secret blog which will now be revealed as the wedding is over.

Thank you for understanding, my roadies.

To Wed or Not to Wed

A few days ago a friend posted a question on her facebook status: Why do we need to be wed?

I replied with several scenarios:
Me: To wear a wedding gown.
Her: But I can wear a wedding gown even if I dont have a wedding.
(I forgot to point out that its only called a wedding gown if your getting married otherwise its just called a gown.)
Me: So you can waste money and serve food to people who will malign your gown which is expensive enough. And people oblige you to kiss your husband by the "cling" of their glasses.
Her: Waste of money. Id rather not get married if were just breaking up in the long run.
Me: Everything in this world has an end. Even the truest of all TRUE LOVE will part ways because of death.
Her: Thats why I dont want to get married bcs everyone will part ways as you said!
Me: Hmp! Just think of it this way, its better to click a divorce status rather than single.
(Thread broken!)

I must admit, I was not helpful to someone who probably needed guidance. I am a newlywed and will currently renew vows. What have I done?
I am sorry for not providing an honest opinion. I always goof around and it might have catapulted into changing your mind. I will try to make amends.

According to wikipedia:Marriage is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony.

After much thought, people get married for a lot of reason. For religious reasons they feel that a blessed matrimony is acceptable by God. The church condemns procreation without the sanctity of marriage. By Law you are entitled to claims if you are married. You can even claim your husband to be "yours" and yours alone. 

True, nothing in this world is stable. It is an ever-changing world. Would you rather grow old looking for something that you already had but let it slip through your fingers?

First, let me ask you this: Is he willing to marry you? Because if what's keeping you from marrying him is the fact that you feel he is having second thoughts, then don't marry him. A man (however confused he is!) must not have second thoughts of marrying the right girl. Now if you think that you are not worthy of him, then you're probably not! Never doubt yourself. You are born alone and you will die alone, hence there is 1 person in this world whom you can rely on. YOURSELF!

If he is willing with all his heart to marry you and you are just asking what is marriage for? I know you have been wounded in the past. And past should be where it is supposed to be. The PAST. Leave it. You can never turn back time. Move forward. If you find a man who loves you and wants to marry you think about this: Are you willing to spend a lifetime with this man? Are you willing to embrace his flaws? Are you willing to trust him? Are you willing to start a family with him? Are you willing to love him in his worst as you love him on your best? 

Do not be scared. It is in the deepest storms that you become resilient. So what if it doesn't work out? You will not be haunted by the "what-if's". All you have to do is do your part as a wife. You know this things. I need not elaborate. The basis of marriage has been inculcated in our brains since we were children. But live your life. Follow your dreams. You are still going to be you. But now, you have an ally. You have someone to depend on in times of obstacles. Enjoy life, it comes but once. Do not be overwhelmed by the thought of marriage. I was, but I just reminded myself that I'd rather have this moment of bliss than a lifetime with nothing.

Whatever your reasons are, marry for the right reason. Marry for love. Marry a man you know and feel will love you on your worse as he does on your best. Marry a man who will support you in your endeavors. Marry a man who will be a good father to your children.

Marriage is an institution. Wedding is a celebration. Two different things, one foundation. Love. One powerful medium, God.