Deep Sorrow

Approximately a decade ago I met this guy. He was vibrant and ambitious and driven. This qualities was like a magnet to me. After all, water seeks its own level.

He was on one of my major classes and proved to be my competitor intellectually wise. Although the narcissistic in me believed that I was more. He was the Student President of the Hotel and Restaurant Management Department aka Hoteliers and I (a newbie) was his Vice. That was the start of our budding friendship.

The next year I was the President of the Hoteliers. He was an Advisor. We concocted seminars and fundraisers. We were good at what we do. We got A+ on our thesis. We were competitive. We were dreamers. But most of all, we were realists.

I supported him on his endeavors. He was my rock. He is one of my closest friends. We shared an apartment for like 2 months. When we went to Manila for an interview with the Norwegian Cruise we were room mates at a shabby inn. We helped organized our travel and tours (for Ms. Bueza's class) where we went to Enchanted Kingdom. We even went to Friday's and board the bus tipsy which frustrated our classmates. We love Villa Escudero where we went swimming at the jacuzzi and made fun of the foreigners. We hosted the 1st ever Regional Seminar for Hoteliers. We slept on a veranda floor with our classmates in Laguna.

We used to have drinking spree with Chona, Zhiel, Ricky, Nerissa and Mitch. We talk about nothing. We talk a lot about sensible and senseless things. He told me once while I was wallowing in self-pity that I am lucky in many ways. I apologize if I cannot divulge more of those undisclosed long talks of life.

We had long drinks and love mixing cocktails which we firmly believe to be beneficial for studies. Hey, its for Beverage Management Class. He created the drink, Knoxville. We attended our classmate, Malou Atienza's wedding. We love comedy bars. We love watching movies. We were kindred souls. We love Karaoke at Pong's. We both had A+ on Accounting. Hey, I had a good seat. 

We went to Caramoan Islands when it was still not developed. We shared a room with my sister whom he was hitting on. He loves girls. He loves them young. I used to kid him that. He has always been so much FUN.

When I opted to stay at school and graduate rather than see the world through the cruise line, he already got his degree as he was 2 years my senior in the school. He traveled the world. He has seen it all. He made me proud. We vowed to each other that we will be the best that we can be. And we will be there for each other for confidence boost.

He sent me postcards of his world travels. We saw each other in Dubai when his ship docked. The whole gang strolleduntil wee hours of morning.

Last night I have learned that he died.

Tears were streaming and I have no words. Our mentor, Maam Bevs called me and we were just at loss for words. There is nothing more we can do. We lost a friend. And we can never bring him back.

We were dreamers. We were driven. We were focused. And me losing my focus is like failing him. We used to cheer each other up when we were down. We know we can do anything and be anything in this world of endless possibilities. All we have to do is be patient. And trust the unseen mover of all.

I hope and pray that you are at peace my brother. I hope and pray that what happened to you was not painful. That it was swift. I hope. And that's all that I could do. Hope. And pray. And trust the Lord fully for he has reasons.

I am going to miss you boyfriend. I am going to miss you soooo much.

Rest in peace, Michael Perlado Nacario

I love you. You did great in this world. You were AWESOME.

Thanksgiving Day 2011

It was a hectic "Thanksgiving" and I am still on the hunt for Christmas gifts. I am almost done though. Almost.

Yesterday, I went shopping with the Hubster and then we headed to have lunch. I told him what pizza flavor I  like and I went straight to the vending machine. There was a little girl who was bugging and begging for a coin. I was appalled but out of annoyance I gave her a coin and left. For some reason I cant take her off my head.

Her mom was carrying a baby and she was strolling around the restaurant by herself. They were seated approximately 10 feet from our table. Then her mother stood and went to the counter telling her not to move out of their table. She saw another family arrive with a baby. She leaped and started saying, "Hi!" to the baby. Then immediately begged for a coin from the parent. This is a family she never knew.

The girl is at least 6 years old. Begging.

If I was in the Philippines it will not be a surprising sight. They are all over the streets. When I was in Dubai, there are absolutely no beggars. But in United States of America? Really?

I know the kid is not really a beggar. But what do you call someone who begs? It kept me thinking today.

Parents can be oblivious of what their kids are doing. They are so busy living their own lives. Giving in to what the kid wants so they can continue living theirs. I am appalled by this behavior. But mostly I am disappointed of how I dealt with the situation.

I should not have succumb with the annoyance. I should have told her "Stranger Danger" and dismissed her. When I gave her the coin it made her realize that whatever she was doing is working. It was wrong of me to enable her.

Like beggars in our streets in my beloved country Philippines, I usually don't give them money. I give them food. That's what they needed. If you give them money they either buy drugs or booze. If you give them money you help them in the path to destruction.

I know it's Thanksgiving. I am thankful for a lot of things need not to be disclosed. But mostly I am thankful for the health of my family and friends. I am thankful for a wonderful and understanding husband. I am thankful to the unseen mover of all for giving everything to me. And more.

Turkey for Thanksgiving

Woke up today feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. This is another day for "Domesticated Goddess" to combat. I did a good job yesterday. I made a mean pasta and the Hubster loves it. I always add mushrooms and spam on my pasta with meat sauce. He was adamant with adding cheddar cheese so he opted for the all-time American favorite, Parmesan.

I'm thinking of making some porkchops, Filipino style today. I'm not gonna let your hopes up though because I am feeling a bit nauseous today. And NO! The answer is No! I am not pregster! I am on meds. My liver is slowly killing me. Where the hell is my vodka? Hehehe!

Christmas is fast approaching. But first, there's Thanksgiving. And the most awaited, Black Friday. Shopping, shopping, shopping.

With regards to Thanksgiving, the Hubster will be roasting a turkey. This is one of America's tradition. I on the other hand is not a big fan of our feathery friend. I like Andok's chicken in the Philippines and some fried chicken homemade. But during my 4-year residence in Dubai, we were usually served chicken everyday. To the point that I developed a chicken skin. Really! Its an allergy!

I seldom make chicken dishes here. But I do love a certain store called Mr. Chicken. Its a Portuguese store which caters to their roasted chicken. Really spot-on taste. Never disappoints. I am salivating right now.

Anyway, why cant I have Mr. Chicken on Thanksgiving? Why a Turkey? 

Domesticated Goddess

There are gazillion of things to do and I honestly dont know where to start. I have to finish cleaning the house before Thanksgiving. I also needed to place all the Christmas gifts before December 1st on my Christmas tree. Good thing I'm halfway done with Christmas shopping. Yay!

Last Friday I had a photo shoot with Jamie & Sal. It came out great. At least that's what the Hubster said. 

I have been meaning to write more in my Addicted to High Heels blogs but I am always tied up. I still cant believe I have been married for almost a year. You will be seeing more of what I have been doing on that blog. If I have time.

There are a few things I need to do today and one of them is cooking. I have been salivating on a pasta and I make a mean pasta. I am inspired by Ms. Dainty on her posts on FB. 

I have to go. My body needs breakfast.

Another One Bites the Dust

I am excited for our week-long vacay on December. We'll celebrate "Media Noche" with my fam in New Jersey and Christmas with my in-laws in New York. On the 26th its the Hubster's birthday and on the 28th its our 1st wedding anniversary. I am uber-excited.

Anyway, the news about Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's split is actually not a surprise to me. Part of me wanted them together. Demi Moore is H-O-T! Look at her. She is still rockin' it! Ashton is not that cute anymore. And I don't really like the news of him cheating.

Cheating is something that is unacceptable to me. I am a bit paranoid. Okay, I am sooo paranoid. But I guess I trust the Hubster so much that he might get away with it if deemed be. On second thought, not really!

Cheating is a "Dealbreaker!" If he cheats once, he will do it again. And again. And again. One thing I made clear with the Hubster. I catch him once and that's KAPUT! There will be no turning back!

I pride myself as a loyal person. And I expect nothing less in return. 

Dusk is the beginning of Darkness

I abhor perverts and the likes but I also believe of "Innocent until proven guilty."

If Sandusky really raped or molested those kids, I am for the lethal injection. It is unfathomable for someone to grow up with a grim of a past. I still could not believe that I have escaped a demonic perv in my childhood.

Yesterday I spoke with my cousin (from New Jersey) and she told me of a Filipino who was accused of molesting a kid. Apparently, the Filipino went to a bathroom and saw a boy crying because he cant pull his pants up. He tried helping the boy and his mother saw it. Then he was accused of molestation.

That's the problem with us. We Filipinos have a soft heart for kids. We see them crying, we help them. Foreigner will think we are nosy. We just care. 

Now I am scared of America. They protect kids so much that they turn their head from parents mugged by their kids. Kids grow up too. Do you know why this kids become psychopath? Its because of their parents. I understand that parents has a heart so big for their kids that they would like to give everything they ask. Is it necessary? What lesson are you teaching your kids?

You can never blame the kids. They emulate you. But you as a parent has to be firm with them especially during their psychomotor stage. It will be crucial but it will be worth it.

You see, if you give everything to your child when they are still babies they will end up asking for more. Then you give again and again. What if something happens to you (God forbids!) and you can no longer provide? They will take it against you. Manipulation is an acquired skill. We learned it from childhood. Parents just think its cute until they are doomed.

Open your mind a bit and picture this:

You are earning a meager salary. You want to give everything to your child. Whatever they ask they get. You are proud to call yourself the best parent. Are you? Then your kid went to school. At school your kid realized he/she cannot have everything they want. Then your kid starts to be a problem child. You still think that "timeouts" at school are cool. You like it! Your kid is a bad-ass! You find it Cool! You still continue giving in to what your kid wants. Your kid eventually realize that money can manipulate classmates or teachers. Then your kid asks for more. And more. And more. You sent your kids to an exclusive school. Then you lost your job. You cannot give anything anymore. You child is in High School and you want him to give up his car to save your house. What do you think will this kid think? Your kid is not an adult. Teenagers are selfish. They only think of themselves. Its a phase.

Why not give them a proper structure? As kids they do not need gazillion toys. They just need an ample amount. They should not have everything they want. They should get what they need. My husband taught me the difference. It took me gazillion years to realize that I was a problem child. And the road to recovery has been crucial but the armor you need is ACCEPTANCE.

Then again, why would you listen to me? I am not a parent. Right? But as a non-parent I have the time that  parents doesn't. A time to dissect it all. A time to ponder on parenting. 

I acknowledge all the efforts parents do. They work and they take care of their babies. They are so tired. Some of them who has more than 2 kids are exhausted. Some of them guilty for working so hard that they just give in to what their kids want. The key is to explain to your kids that you are working for them. You will be surprised how understanding they are capable to be.

It is not late for you. Talk is cheap. You do not want your kids to end up under the hands of a (allegedly) Sandusky. You do not want your kid to be a Sandusky either. Equip your child with the knowledge. Stranger Danger. Trust only those who has proven their worth. Any person with an evil mind can easily corrupt your kid. Be careful. Maintain their innocence but make sure they grow up with a good heart.

United We Stand

I woke up this morning and Facebook is swollen with so many stories about the fight last night…mostly exasperating. I cannot understand why there are mixed emotions about PACMAN’s win. We Filipinos should be proud of this win. Not the win we anticipate but sure it was a credible decision. This makes me think, if we can’t be united on this, we can’t be united on a bigger scale. Go to the Mexican’s site and you’ll clearly understand what I’m saying. As for me, I am proud of him and yes, a great Filipino fighter beat that Mexican! I’m a believer of liberal democracy and will never suppress a debate. For that reason, my mouth is fastened and will never open on this subject again.
Have a great day everyone! Surprisingly, Boxing teaches us a life lesson. :))
Maria Teresa Abinal Salazar

My reply: Its not that Filipinos are not united with his winning. It is non-debatable that he will win. The Filipinos are crying for some justice of the money they paid for a fight they expect from a Pacman caliber. That was by far the most boring fight ever. We are proud but I personally wanted a TKO.

The Filipinos are beyond proud of Manny Pacquiao. He is a great boxer! He is the best! No doubt about that!

The thing which drives Filipinos insane is the mere fact that speed used to be his middle name. I am not a boxing enthusiast, I am not even a fan of the sport. Though at one point of my life I was addicted to The Contender, I still think that I am not in the position to judge whether he deserved the title or not. 


Anyway...

I was a little bit sad. All of a sudden I miss Kylee. The Hubster decided to cheer me up by taking the Christmas tree out and gave me a budget for shopping the ornaments. It sort of cheered me up for a while. Then he asked me out for a dinner date. We went to 524 Restaurant (owned by my sexy friend, Maricel Santerre) and had the most amazing grilled salmon. The Hubster enjoyed his steak as it was cooked to his preference. Then the dessert is a cheesecake which blew our mind. I sure will bring my lil' sis, Sugar and Sissy when they come back in here. These 2 are addicted to cheesecake!

After dinner, the Hubster said we should go to Fiesta Bar. Its a Mexican bar in Somerset and most probably they will have the Pacman vs Marquez game. We have an agreement that we should not gloat if Pacman wins because we might get mugged by the Mexicans. When we arrived at the bar we discovered that they are not airing it. No one will because of the fact that they will be charged per person if they have the most coveted fight of the Year!

We went home just in time to get a pay per view which costs $60 plus tax.

Now, let me ask you people. Do you think we deserve that fight? Ok, so Marquez was stepping on his foot. We are Filipinos! Filipinos are not easily perturbed by a foot stepping fool like Marquez. 

Anyway, we won! We just wanted a good fight next time. That's not asking for a lot. We just want a $60 worth of a fight. You would say its just $60. But for a housewife, it's worth a million. 

Dear Manny,

You are the Philippines' pride! Just a mention of your name make us beam with pride. You place our country on the map. And it's all because of your greatness that we are now given equal opportunity. 

You paved a way for all Filipinos. You gave us a chance to dream big. You give us hope. 

You are indeed a hero.

But next time, when you fight with Mayweather make sure to beat the hell out him so he will know that "WE" are the Champion. I do not want second guessing. Please do not disappoint me. Please make me feel that my hard-earned cash is worth that fight. 

Love,

Me

PS:

You are like our family. Even if you disappointed us, we are still proud of you. You won! The Filipinos are united because we all believe in you.

Poor Old Joe

I have been getting a lot of feedback with my other blog (specifically made to showcase my newfound love for photography) :  http://photograph-artbyleyasun.blogspot.com/

Thank you to my roadies, I will now try to give it a makeover. I also got good feedback with my photography that they want their kids to be photographed. This is making me soooo damn excited!

Anyway, today I want to write about Joe Paterno. Apparently this old man ( A College Football coach at Penn State) who has worked so hard and dedicated his life to Penn State is in the middle of a controversy.

USA Today: http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/football/bigten/story/2011-11-09/penn-state-joe-paterno-legacy-firing/51147132/1

On Wednesday, a month shy of his 85th birthday and devastated by a sexual abuse scandal revolving around a man who'd once been a trusted assistant, Joe Paterno stopped holding on. He was left no choice. He announced that this, his 46th season as Penn State 's head football coach and 62nd overall with the Nittany Lions , would be his last.

Hours later, the school's board of trustees transformed the pending resignation into an immediate dismissal. He wouldn't be permitted to work Saturday's final home game against Nebraska, the two left in the regular season after that or a bowl.

He's done. Now. Paterno was given the news by phone. Defensive coordinator Tom Bradley  was named as his interim replacement.

Last night over dinner, the Hubster told me the story. Of course I am not inclined to sports and never knew any football player except Gisele Bundchen's hubby, Tom Brady. I listened to him and I gave him my one cent:

And the only basis of where I stand is coming from my husband who made a nice clam pasta with garlic bread. I was cranky. Well, I always am. So please do not show this blog to your kids. Its nasty!

I do not understand why people are blaming this old man for a crime he did not commit. They are saying he is an accomplice. But he told his superior about the allegations. Is it not the responsibility of that superior to tell the police? There is a loophole in this case somewhere.

And how the hell can he be accused as an accomplice? Apparently "he look the other way."

Look the other way? Was he, as an accomplice, holding the (you know what) of the molested boy while that MOLESTOR was sucking it? Did he look away while holding the mother effin thing?

This old man has worked so hard for these people. This old man probably dreamed of being something bigger for himself. Not in the sidelines. But he figured, hell! I am going to live for these people. He figured, let me live a life serving them.

The same people whom he served are now "castrating" him. He is an old man. Who probably has his share of bad deeds. But is he an accomplice? I believe not. Unless he really was holding (the you know what) but if not then leave him be.

"We are the product of the choices we make." He made a choice. He told his superior about the allegations. Does he really need to call the police after he informed his boss?

I am not a big fan of perverts. I am not! I think they are sick and need help. Or better yet, they need to be castrated. But hey, that's just me.

When I was probably 8 years old, I had a short encounter with a PERV. He was my neighbor on his early 20s. I was playing hide and seek with the kids and I was "it" so I started looking for them. All of a sudden, the bathroom door opened (ajar) and he peeped and told me my playmate was hiding inside the bathroom. I was standing like 6 feet from the door and just as I was about to drag myself to the bathroom I noticed that he was naked. I of course did not see the entirety of his man-hood but I got a glimpse of his disgusting nakedness. Then I thought to myself, if my playmate was inside the bathroom wouldn't he have heard that he is being "outed" and why the hell was he naked?

Of course, I ran to my Mother who went ballistic. There was a restraining order and all that stuff.

So, would it be safe to say that I abhor perverts? They are disgusting human beings and needs to be eradicated from our society. I am appalled by the real culprit of this massive chaos in Penn State but is Joe Paterno guilty? Is he an accomplice?

The Problem and The Solution

I apologize for not blogging as often as before. I was a bit tied up. Not the S&M tied up! I was swamped. Kylee left the crib and everytime I wake up I sort of still wait for her to go to my room and say: "Good Morning Ms. Leya."

 Today I want to write to a certain someone:

Dear YOU,
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~Mark Twain.

I know that you are easily depressed and you think that in this lifetime you are a victim. But a victim of what? A victim of your own doing? How many times do I need to reiterate that, WE are the product of the choices WE make.
You feel beaten? Its because you are. You feel tired? Its because that's what you want to think!

So what if you are a LOSER? It is not the end of the world! I do not see a giant wave infront of you. You are still breathing. There is still hope.

It is true, it is not the end of the world. And there is still time to change. But when? Change when you are old enough to have a grandchild? When you want to climb Mt. Everest at 70? Let's be realistic here. We cannot be singers if we are monotone. We cannot be ballet dancers at 50. If your dreams didnt work out, try again. There are a lot of dreams to dream of. Be realistic. Do you know how you can achieve your dream? Wake up! Do not run around chasing rainbows. Not everyone is bound to marry a Prince. Not everyone is bound to be Kate Middleton. Wake up. You may be pretty and looking for that gorgeous prince but have you ever thought that this Prince will never really go for you?

Cinderella is rich. She just got these stepmother and 2 stepsisters who took her wealth and treated her as a maid. But she is RICH. And so is Kate Middleton.

There are times in our lives that we are blinded by our dreams. That we think we can be anything. And we are. We will. If we have the courage. If we have the strength. If we have the perseverance. The dedication and determination. If we have the will.

And if you dont, then stop waiting for NOTHING! Stop waiting for your Prince bumming around like the world will lead him to you. Do something. Make something. Be something. And everything else will fall to its place.

I hate seeing YOU down. Your brave facade is disgusting. You can fool everyone but never yourself. Why cant you just admit to yourself that if its not working your way, it will never work. Give it up. Try a different way. Change your style.

YOU are the problem. You are the SOLUTION.

My Relationship with Him

Eye opener... Why is it hard to talk about God to other people? It's also one of my flaws which I need to get rid of. I love God and am chosen to spread the Good News to people who do not know Him yet..Belldandy Ferwelo Dela Cruz

First and foremost, I am guilty as charged. I do not talk openly about him. And it is not because I do not want to spread his words but because my relationship with him is so intimate. I tell him everything. He is omnipotent. When I make mistakes, he is ever-forgiving. He answer my prayers. He loves me no matter what.

I do not talk openly about him because my relationship with him is non-debatable. I remembered one day in Dubai, waiting for the Karama Bus to bring us to Jebel Ali, there were 2 men (Jehovahs Witness) who asked BB and I if they can talk to us about Him. I vehemently denied them that right. And its not because I do not want to listen. It is because at a young age I have had Bible lessons (the advantage of having an Uncle for a Pastor) and I knew what they will be saying. I just dont want them to change what I have with him.

It is their right to spread the news. It is also my right not to listen.

You see, we all have our own special relationship with him. We all pray (I hope all of us does!) and even if we all believe in him. We all believe differently. And I do not want to rub other people the wrong way. I respect you people for spreading the news. Just dont ambush me while I am seating on a bench cranky. You might not like what I have to say.

Okay, so I was so civil and told them (when they insisted even when I said NO!) "I respect you for doing this and I hope you will respect me of my decision not to listen."

All relationships are alike. Be it with your parents, friends, spouse and children. It is based on trust. And I trust him fully. I am blinded by this trust. I do not want people to be meddling with my relationships with anyone I care deeply about.

My Faith and love for the unseen mover of all is unquestionable. You will most probably hear me telling you to have faith and pray hard. And if that would not work, pray harder. But to talk about the depth of it all, I have learned lessons. He is my God. Until my last breath.

Don't you want to have the same undying relationship with him?

To everyone who spread his news and words, I applaud you. I do. But I hope you will understand people like me who choose to be private about it. Continue spreading it to those who do not know of him. You will be rewarded. I commend you. Just please do not misunderstood my mum-ness to being a non-believer. Because it is way different.

Bunny Halloween

Last year when I was still living in the cosmopolitan Dubai I blogged about Georgina Wilson. She is definitely a fashionista! I think I vowed as well to dress as a BUNNY this Halloween. I bought a LBD (little black dress) at Zara and to my dismay, I can no longer fit on it. Of course! I gain 27 pounds since I arrived in the glam-fab USA.

Anyway, I attended a Halloween party at Tiverton, Rhode Island and here is my costume. An attempt to be Georgina Wilson's sexy bunny.

I will be posting more photos on my photograph-art BLOG.

Anyway, what's up with Kim Kardashian and Kris Humpries? Divorced? I just blinked my eye for heaven's sake!

The Hubster stated when he saw a glimpse of their wedding that its a publicity wedding. That was 2 months ago. Is my husband a prophet? This celebrities marry just for the sake of being married. I never thought of myself as the marrying type but I got married anyway. And its because I found the right man. Would you marry for anything less than that reason?

Well, there's no business like show-business!

Sassy Frazz

Check on my LOOKBOOK: http://lookbook.nu/look/2599841-Silent-Water-Runs-Deep

Lately, whenever I am snotty and being bitchy the Hubster calls me Sassy Frazz! That makes me laugh. I now realized that one of the reason why I married this man is because he makes me laugh. He is my ROCK!

Although I must admit that I am a difficult person to be with (they say I am so hard to please) he just keeps me grounded. He knows me and loves me anyway. One thing that I appreciate from my closest friends is their ability to embrace my flaws.


Anyway, to be really honest (not that I was dishonest before) I do not appreciate people telling me that I am beautiful. I feel very paranoid about it. I feel that people who tell me that I am beautiful (or pretty or sexy) are trying to tell me otherwise. I feel they say something else behind my back. Especially if they say I am pretty and everyone can hear it. And don't be surprised if I my retorts are offensive, that's exactly how it should be.

You: Oh-em-gee!! You are sooo pretty now. (with the emphasis to NOW)
Me: Oh-em-gee as well!! Not really, I guess YOU just got uglier! (with the emphasis to uglier!)

You: Jeeezzz! You got soooo fat now!
Me: Nah! I'm pregnant! (Even if I'm not!)
You: Oh-em-gee! You are the sexiest pregster!
Me: I know right??? 

Okay so you say something good or bad, I will still be bitchy so why bother right? But you can always compliment my shoes! I know I have good taste with fashion and I will not take it against you.

I don't have much to say right now. I have to start packing Kylee's luggage. Her Daddy will pick her up on Saturday and I need to have everything ready by then. I will surely miss this "rugrat" and I know the Hubster will too.