A Not So Preppy Life

I apologize for not blogging as much as I wanted to. I was mourning and I thought I lost my MOJO. This morning I had the urge to write. Thank you for understanding.

Christmas is fast approaching. I blinked and bat my eyelash and all of a sudden its like 4 days to go. Well, I have been quite busy. Beamer put up the Christmas tree and I decorated it before Thanksgiving.

I went shopping for gifts while my husband waited patiently in his car playing poker on his phone. So now I have gifts for everyone except for this particular person. Which reminds me, let me do that today.

We hosted a dinner and I made Bistek Pinoy and Bijon. I think the Bijon was soggy but the Bistek was a "hit". Beamer put up a mini-golf in our apartment and I won! Just like the time we went bowling with his friends and I nailed it! The bad thing was, I didn't even try that much! I always win if I don't try too hard!

There are gazillion things to do for today. Which includes looking for a dress form. Have I told you that I decided to open an online shop? Well, I am now. I am planning to disclose by January 1st. Wish me LUCK!

Have I mentioned I had filling with my new Dentist, Dr. Regenmorter? It was sooooo funny because I was mindset to have a filler and usually in Philippines (where I was born and raised) or Dubai, United Arab Emirates (where I resided for 4 years) I did not have anesthesia. Imagine my surprise when the Dentist pulled out the syringe! I almost fainted and they need to calm me down before I piss my pants. I was so embarrassed but I managed to have a new filling. The Dentist is good! I am scheduled to have a root canal tomorrow at 1:40pm. I am scared as shit! Pardon the language!

Anyway, my new postcards for Christmas is done and we mailed most of it. I didn't use the photo by Phiay Carino with a watermark which I believe she painstakingly edited due to my fat-ness! But a Phiay Carino photograph nonetheless! It has something to do with the color of the dress. Beamer said it was not so Christmas-y. Whatever that means!

I am so excited for our vacay with his family and friends in New York and my fam in New Jersey. I have an intense schedule and I still have to pack the luggage. We will be leaving 23rd and come back 31st. Of course Beamer is stressed. Again.

Have I told you that Beamer bought me a vintage Steve Fabrikant coat for winter? And a Joan Rivers Classic earrings? Awesome!

There are gazillion things to say but for now I am just happy to write again. I am still sad knowing that the rest of my lifetime I will not be able to see a good friend but I came to realize that I have to make the most of this life because it's short and we don't have an inkling of when it will be taken from us.

Keep smiling everyone! Life is good! Let's all get one!

Deep Sorrow

Approximately a decade ago I met this guy. He was vibrant and ambitious and driven. This qualities was like a magnet to me. After all, water seeks its own level.

He was on one of my major classes and proved to be my competitor intellectually wise. Although the narcissistic in me believed that I was more. He was the Student President of the Hotel and Restaurant Management Department aka Hoteliers and I (a newbie) was his Vice. That was the start of our budding friendship.

The next year I was the President of the Hoteliers. He was an Advisor. We concocted seminars and fundraisers. We were good at what we do. We got A+ on our thesis. We were competitive. We were dreamers. But most of all, we were realists.

I supported him on his endeavors. He was my rock. He is one of my closest friends. We shared an apartment for like 2 months. When we went to Manila for an interview with the Norwegian Cruise we were room mates at a shabby inn. We helped organized our travel and tours (for Ms. Bueza's class) where we went to Enchanted Kingdom. We even went to Friday's and board the bus tipsy which frustrated our classmates. We love Villa Escudero where we went swimming at the jacuzzi and made fun of the foreigners. We hosted the 1st ever Regional Seminar for Hoteliers. We slept on a veranda floor with our classmates in Laguna.

We used to have drinking spree with Chona, Zhiel, Ricky, Nerissa and Mitch. We talk about nothing. We talk a lot about sensible and senseless things. He told me once while I was wallowing in self-pity that I am lucky in many ways. I apologize if I cannot divulge more of those undisclosed long talks of life.

We had long drinks and love mixing cocktails which we firmly believe to be beneficial for studies. Hey, its for Beverage Management Class. He created the drink, Knoxville. We attended our classmate, Malou Atienza's wedding. We love comedy bars. We love watching movies. We were kindred souls. We love Karaoke at Pong's. We both had A+ on Accounting. Hey, I had a good seat. 

We went to Caramoan Islands when it was still not developed. We shared a room with my sister whom he was hitting on. He loves girls. He loves them young. I used to kid him that. He has always been so much FUN.

When I opted to stay at school and graduate rather than see the world through the cruise line, he already got his degree as he was 2 years my senior in the school. He traveled the world. He has seen it all. He made me proud. We vowed to each other that we will be the best that we can be. And we will be there for each other for confidence boost.

He sent me postcards of his world travels. We saw each other in Dubai when his ship docked. The whole gang strolleduntil wee hours of morning.

Last night I have learned that he died.

Tears were streaming and I have no words. Our mentor, Maam Bevs called me and we were just at loss for words. There is nothing more we can do. We lost a friend. And we can never bring him back.

We were dreamers. We were driven. We were focused. And me losing my focus is like failing him. We used to cheer each other up when we were down. We know we can do anything and be anything in this world of endless possibilities. All we have to do is be patient. And trust the unseen mover of all.

I hope and pray that you are at peace my brother. I hope and pray that what happened to you was not painful. That it was swift. I hope. And that's all that I could do. Hope. And pray. And trust the Lord fully for he has reasons.

I am going to miss you boyfriend. I am going to miss you soooo much.

Rest in peace, Michael Perlado Nacario

I love you. You did great in this world. You were AWESOME.

Thanksgiving Day 2011

It was a hectic "Thanksgiving" and I am still on the hunt for Christmas gifts. I am almost done though. Almost.

Yesterday, I went shopping with the Hubster and then we headed to have lunch. I told him what pizza flavor I  like and I went straight to the vending machine. There was a little girl who was bugging and begging for a coin. I was appalled but out of annoyance I gave her a coin and left. For some reason I cant take her off my head.

Her mom was carrying a baby and she was strolling around the restaurant by herself. They were seated approximately 10 feet from our table. Then her mother stood and went to the counter telling her not to move out of their table. She saw another family arrive with a baby. She leaped and started saying, "Hi!" to the baby. Then immediately begged for a coin from the parent. This is a family she never knew.

The girl is at least 6 years old. Begging.

If I was in the Philippines it will not be a surprising sight. They are all over the streets. When I was in Dubai, there are absolutely no beggars. But in United States of America? Really?

I know the kid is not really a beggar. But what do you call someone who begs? It kept me thinking today.

Parents can be oblivious of what their kids are doing. They are so busy living their own lives. Giving in to what the kid wants so they can continue living theirs. I am appalled by this behavior. But mostly I am disappointed of how I dealt with the situation.

I should not have succumb with the annoyance. I should have told her "Stranger Danger" and dismissed her. When I gave her the coin it made her realize that whatever she was doing is working. It was wrong of me to enable her.

Like beggars in our streets in my beloved country Philippines, I usually don't give them money. I give them food. That's what they needed. If you give them money they either buy drugs or booze. If you give them money you help them in the path to destruction.

I know it's Thanksgiving. I am thankful for a lot of things need not to be disclosed. But mostly I am thankful for the health of my family and friends. I am thankful for a wonderful and understanding husband. I am thankful to the unseen mover of all for giving everything to me. And more.

Turkey for Thanksgiving

Woke up today feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. This is another day for "Domesticated Goddess" to combat. I did a good job yesterday. I made a mean pasta and the Hubster loves it. I always add mushrooms and spam on my pasta with meat sauce. He was adamant with adding cheddar cheese so he opted for the all-time American favorite, Parmesan.

I'm thinking of making some porkchops, Filipino style today. I'm not gonna let your hopes up though because I am feeling a bit nauseous today. And NO! The answer is No! I am not pregster! I am on meds. My liver is slowly killing me. Where the hell is my vodka? Hehehe!

Christmas is fast approaching. But first, there's Thanksgiving. And the most awaited, Black Friday. Shopping, shopping, shopping.

With regards to Thanksgiving, the Hubster will be roasting a turkey. This is one of America's tradition. I on the other hand is not a big fan of our feathery friend. I like Andok's chicken in the Philippines and some fried chicken homemade. But during my 4-year residence in Dubai, we were usually served chicken everyday. To the point that I developed a chicken skin. Really! Its an allergy!

I seldom make chicken dishes here. But I do love a certain store called Mr. Chicken. Its a Portuguese store which caters to their roasted chicken. Really spot-on taste. Never disappoints. I am salivating right now.

Anyway, why cant I have Mr. Chicken on Thanksgiving? Why a Turkey? 

Domesticated Goddess

There are gazillion of things to do and I honestly dont know where to start. I have to finish cleaning the house before Thanksgiving. I also needed to place all the Christmas gifts before December 1st on my Christmas tree. Good thing I'm halfway done with Christmas shopping. Yay!

Last Friday I had a photo shoot with Jamie & Sal. It came out great. At least that's what the Hubster said. 

I have been meaning to write more in my Addicted to High Heels blogs but I am always tied up. I still cant believe I have been married for almost a year. You will be seeing more of what I have been doing on that blog. If I have time.

There are a few things I need to do today and one of them is cooking. I have been salivating on a pasta and I make a mean pasta. I am inspired by Ms. Dainty on her posts on FB. 

I have to go. My body needs breakfast.

Another One Bites the Dust

I am excited for our week-long vacay on December. We'll celebrate "Media Noche" with my fam in New Jersey and Christmas with my in-laws in New York. On the 26th its the Hubster's birthday and on the 28th its our 1st wedding anniversary. I am uber-excited.

Anyway, the news about Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's split is actually not a surprise to me. Part of me wanted them together. Demi Moore is H-O-T! Look at her. She is still rockin' it! Ashton is not that cute anymore. And I don't really like the news of him cheating.

Cheating is something that is unacceptable to me. I am a bit paranoid. Okay, I am sooo paranoid. But I guess I trust the Hubster so much that he might get away with it if deemed be. On second thought, not really!

Cheating is a "Dealbreaker!" If he cheats once, he will do it again. And again. And again. One thing I made clear with the Hubster. I catch him once and that's KAPUT! There will be no turning back!

I pride myself as a loyal person. And I expect nothing less in return. 

Dusk is the beginning of Darkness

I abhor perverts and the likes but I also believe of "Innocent until proven guilty."

If Sandusky really raped or molested those kids, I am for the lethal injection. It is unfathomable for someone to grow up with a grim of a past. I still could not believe that I have escaped a demonic perv in my childhood.

Yesterday I spoke with my cousin (from New Jersey) and she told me of a Filipino who was accused of molesting a kid. Apparently, the Filipino went to a bathroom and saw a boy crying because he cant pull his pants up. He tried helping the boy and his mother saw it. Then he was accused of molestation.

That's the problem with us. We Filipinos have a soft heart for kids. We see them crying, we help them. Foreigner will think we are nosy. We just care. 

Now I am scared of America. They protect kids so much that they turn their head from parents mugged by their kids. Kids grow up too. Do you know why this kids become psychopath? Its because of their parents. I understand that parents has a heart so big for their kids that they would like to give everything they ask. Is it necessary? What lesson are you teaching your kids?

You can never blame the kids. They emulate you. But you as a parent has to be firm with them especially during their psychomotor stage. It will be crucial but it will be worth it.

You see, if you give everything to your child when they are still babies they will end up asking for more. Then you give again and again. What if something happens to you (God forbids!) and you can no longer provide? They will take it against you. Manipulation is an acquired skill. We learned it from childhood. Parents just think its cute until they are doomed.

Open your mind a bit and picture this:

You are earning a meager salary. You want to give everything to your child. Whatever they ask they get. You are proud to call yourself the best parent. Are you? Then your kid went to school. At school your kid realized he/she cannot have everything they want. Then your kid starts to be a problem child. You still think that "timeouts" at school are cool. You like it! Your kid is a bad-ass! You find it Cool! You still continue giving in to what your kid wants. Your kid eventually realize that money can manipulate classmates or teachers. Then your kid asks for more. And more. And more. You sent your kids to an exclusive school. Then you lost your job. You cannot give anything anymore. You child is in High School and you want him to give up his car to save your house. What do you think will this kid think? Your kid is not an adult. Teenagers are selfish. They only think of themselves. Its a phase.

Why not give them a proper structure? As kids they do not need gazillion toys. They just need an ample amount. They should not have everything they want. They should get what they need. My husband taught me the difference. It took me gazillion years to realize that I was a problem child. And the road to recovery has been crucial but the armor you need is ACCEPTANCE.

Then again, why would you listen to me? I am not a parent. Right? But as a non-parent I have the time that  parents doesn't. A time to dissect it all. A time to ponder on parenting. 

I acknowledge all the efforts parents do. They work and they take care of their babies. They are so tired. Some of them who has more than 2 kids are exhausted. Some of them guilty for working so hard that they just give in to what their kids want. The key is to explain to your kids that you are working for them. You will be surprised how understanding they are capable to be.

It is not late for you. Talk is cheap. You do not want your kids to end up under the hands of a (allegedly) Sandusky. You do not want your kid to be a Sandusky either. Equip your child with the knowledge. Stranger Danger. Trust only those who has proven their worth. Any person with an evil mind can easily corrupt your kid. Be careful. Maintain their innocence but make sure they grow up with a good heart.

United We Stand

I woke up this morning and Facebook is swollen with so many stories about the fight last night…mostly exasperating. I cannot understand why there are mixed emotions about PACMAN’s win. We Filipinos should be proud of this win. Not the win we anticipate but sure it was a credible decision. This makes me think, if we can’t be united on this, we can’t be united on a bigger scale. Go to the Mexican’s site and you’ll clearly understand what I’m saying. As for me, I am proud of him and yes, a great Filipino fighter beat that Mexican! I’m a believer of liberal democracy and will never suppress a debate. For that reason, my mouth is fastened and will never open on this subject again.
Have a great day everyone! Surprisingly, Boxing teaches us a life lesson. :))
Maria Teresa Abinal Salazar

My reply: Its not that Filipinos are not united with his winning. It is non-debatable that he will win. The Filipinos are crying for some justice of the money they paid for a fight they expect from a Pacman caliber. That was by far the most boring fight ever. We are proud but I personally wanted a TKO.

The Filipinos are beyond proud of Manny Pacquiao. He is a great boxer! He is the best! No doubt about that!

The thing which drives Filipinos insane is the mere fact that speed used to be his middle name. I am not a boxing enthusiast, I am not even a fan of the sport. Though at one point of my life I was addicted to The Contender, I still think that I am not in the position to judge whether he deserved the title or not. 


Anyway...

I was a little bit sad. All of a sudden I miss Kylee. The Hubster decided to cheer me up by taking the Christmas tree out and gave me a budget for shopping the ornaments. It sort of cheered me up for a while. Then he asked me out for a dinner date. We went to 524 Restaurant (owned by my sexy friend, Maricel Santerre) and had the most amazing grilled salmon. The Hubster enjoyed his steak as it was cooked to his preference. Then the dessert is a cheesecake which blew our mind. I sure will bring my lil' sis, Sugar and Sissy when they come back in here. These 2 are addicted to cheesecake!

After dinner, the Hubster said we should go to Fiesta Bar. Its a Mexican bar in Somerset and most probably they will have the Pacman vs Marquez game. We have an agreement that we should not gloat if Pacman wins because we might get mugged by the Mexicans. When we arrived at the bar we discovered that they are not airing it. No one will because of the fact that they will be charged per person if they have the most coveted fight of the Year!

We went home just in time to get a pay per view which costs $60 plus tax.

Now, let me ask you people. Do you think we deserve that fight? Ok, so Marquez was stepping on his foot. We are Filipinos! Filipinos are not easily perturbed by a foot stepping fool like Marquez. 

Anyway, we won! We just wanted a good fight next time. That's not asking for a lot. We just want a $60 worth of a fight. You would say its just $60. But for a housewife, it's worth a million. 

Dear Manny,

You are the Philippines' pride! Just a mention of your name make us beam with pride. You place our country on the map. And it's all because of your greatness that we are now given equal opportunity. 

You paved a way for all Filipinos. You gave us a chance to dream big. You give us hope. 

You are indeed a hero.

But next time, when you fight with Mayweather make sure to beat the hell out him so he will know that "WE" are the Champion. I do not want second guessing. Please do not disappoint me. Please make me feel that my hard-earned cash is worth that fight. 

Love,

Me

PS:

You are like our family. Even if you disappointed us, we are still proud of you. You won! The Filipinos are united because we all believe in you.

Poor Old Joe

I have been getting a lot of feedback with my other blog (specifically made to showcase my newfound love for photography) :  http://photograph-artbyleyasun.blogspot.com/

Thank you to my roadies, I will now try to give it a makeover. I also got good feedback with my photography that they want their kids to be photographed. This is making me soooo damn excited!

Anyway, today I want to write about Joe Paterno. Apparently this old man ( A College Football coach at Penn State) who has worked so hard and dedicated his life to Penn State is in the middle of a controversy.

USA Today: http://www.usatoday.com/sports/college/football/bigten/story/2011-11-09/penn-state-joe-paterno-legacy-firing/51147132/1

On Wednesday, a month shy of his 85th birthday and devastated by a sexual abuse scandal revolving around a man who'd once been a trusted assistant, Joe Paterno stopped holding on. He was left no choice. He announced that this, his 46th season as Penn State 's head football coach and 62nd overall with the Nittany Lions , would be his last.

Hours later, the school's board of trustees transformed the pending resignation into an immediate dismissal. He wouldn't be permitted to work Saturday's final home game against Nebraska, the two left in the regular season after that or a bowl.

He's done. Now. Paterno was given the news by phone. Defensive coordinator Tom Bradley  was named as his interim replacement.

Last night over dinner, the Hubster told me the story. Of course I am not inclined to sports and never knew any football player except Gisele Bundchen's hubby, Tom Brady. I listened to him and I gave him my one cent:

And the only basis of where I stand is coming from my husband who made a nice clam pasta with garlic bread. I was cranky. Well, I always am. So please do not show this blog to your kids. Its nasty!

I do not understand why people are blaming this old man for a crime he did not commit. They are saying he is an accomplice. But he told his superior about the allegations. Is it not the responsibility of that superior to tell the police? There is a loophole in this case somewhere.

And how the hell can he be accused as an accomplice? Apparently "he look the other way."

Look the other way? Was he, as an accomplice, holding the (you know what) of the molested boy while that MOLESTOR was sucking it? Did he look away while holding the mother effin thing?

This old man has worked so hard for these people. This old man probably dreamed of being something bigger for himself. Not in the sidelines. But he figured, hell! I am going to live for these people. He figured, let me live a life serving them.

The same people whom he served are now "castrating" him. He is an old man. Who probably has his share of bad deeds. But is he an accomplice? I believe not. Unless he really was holding (the you know what) but if not then leave him be.

"We are the product of the choices we make." He made a choice. He told his superior about the allegations. Does he really need to call the police after he informed his boss?

I am not a big fan of perverts. I am not! I think they are sick and need help. Or better yet, they need to be castrated. But hey, that's just me.

When I was probably 8 years old, I had a short encounter with a PERV. He was my neighbor on his early 20s. I was playing hide and seek with the kids and I was "it" so I started looking for them. All of a sudden, the bathroom door opened (ajar) and he peeped and told me my playmate was hiding inside the bathroom. I was standing like 6 feet from the door and just as I was about to drag myself to the bathroom I noticed that he was naked. I of course did not see the entirety of his man-hood but I got a glimpse of his disgusting nakedness. Then I thought to myself, if my playmate was inside the bathroom wouldn't he have heard that he is being "outed" and why the hell was he naked?

Of course, I ran to my Mother who went ballistic. There was a restraining order and all that stuff.

So, would it be safe to say that I abhor perverts? They are disgusting human beings and needs to be eradicated from our society. I am appalled by the real culprit of this massive chaos in Penn State but is Joe Paterno guilty? Is he an accomplice?

The Problem and The Solution

I apologize for not blogging as often as before. I was a bit tied up. Not the S&M tied up! I was swamped. Kylee left the crib and everytime I wake up I sort of still wait for her to go to my room and say: "Good Morning Ms. Leya."

 Today I want to write to a certain someone:

Dear YOU,
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~Mark Twain.

I know that you are easily depressed and you think that in this lifetime you are a victim. But a victim of what? A victim of your own doing? How many times do I need to reiterate that, WE are the product of the choices WE make.
You feel beaten? Its because you are. You feel tired? Its because that's what you want to think!

So what if you are a LOSER? It is not the end of the world! I do not see a giant wave infront of you. You are still breathing. There is still hope.

It is true, it is not the end of the world. And there is still time to change. But when? Change when you are old enough to have a grandchild? When you want to climb Mt. Everest at 70? Let's be realistic here. We cannot be singers if we are monotone. We cannot be ballet dancers at 50. If your dreams didnt work out, try again. There are a lot of dreams to dream of. Be realistic. Do you know how you can achieve your dream? Wake up! Do not run around chasing rainbows. Not everyone is bound to marry a Prince. Not everyone is bound to be Kate Middleton. Wake up. You may be pretty and looking for that gorgeous prince but have you ever thought that this Prince will never really go for you?

Cinderella is rich. She just got these stepmother and 2 stepsisters who took her wealth and treated her as a maid. But she is RICH. And so is Kate Middleton.

There are times in our lives that we are blinded by our dreams. That we think we can be anything. And we are. We will. If we have the courage. If we have the strength. If we have the perseverance. The dedication and determination. If we have the will.

And if you dont, then stop waiting for NOTHING! Stop waiting for your Prince bumming around like the world will lead him to you. Do something. Make something. Be something. And everything else will fall to its place.

I hate seeing YOU down. Your brave facade is disgusting. You can fool everyone but never yourself. Why cant you just admit to yourself that if its not working your way, it will never work. Give it up. Try a different way. Change your style.

YOU are the problem. You are the SOLUTION.

My Relationship with Him

Eye opener... Why is it hard to talk about God to other people? It's also one of my flaws which I need to get rid of. I love God and am chosen to spread the Good News to people who do not know Him yet..Belldandy Ferwelo Dela Cruz

First and foremost, I am guilty as charged. I do not talk openly about him. And it is not because I do not want to spread his words but because my relationship with him is so intimate. I tell him everything. He is omnipotent. When I make mistakes, he is ever-forgiving. He answer my prayers. He loves me no matter what.

I do not talk openly about him because my relationship with him is non-debatable. I remembered one day in Dubai, waiting for the Karama Bus to bring us to Jebel Ali, there were 2 men (Jehovahs Witness) who asked BB and I if they can talk to us about Him. I vehemently denied them that right. And its not because I do not want to listen. It is because at a young age I have had Bible lessons (the advantage of having an Uncle for a Pastor) and I knew what they will be saying. I just dont want them to change what I have with him.

It is their right to spread the news. It is also my right not to listen.

You see, we all have our own special relationship with him. We all pray (I hope all of us does!) and even if we all believe in him. We all believe differently. And I do not want to rub other people the wrong way. I respect you people for spreading the news. Just dont ambush me while I am seating on a bench cranky. You might not like what I have to say.

Okay, so I was so civil and told them (when they insisted even when I said NO!) "I respect you for doing this and I hope you will respect me of my decision not to listen."

All relationships are alike. Be it with your parents, friends, spouse and children. It is based on trust. And I trust him fully. I am blinded by this trust. I do not want people to be meddling with my relationships with anyone I care deeply about.

My Faith and love for the unseen mover of all is unquestionable. You will most probably hear me telling you to have faith and pray hard. And if that would not work, pray harder. But to talk about the depth of it all, I have learned lessons. He is my God. Until my last breath.

Don't you want to have the same undying relationship with him?

To everyone who spread his news and words, I applaud you. I do. But I hope you will understand people like me who choose to be private about it. Continue spreading it to those who do not know of him. You will be rewarded. I commend you. Just please do not misunderstood my mum-ness to being a non-believer. Because it is way different.

Bunny Halloween

Last year when I was still living in the cosmopolitan Dubai I blogged about Georgina Wilson. She is definitely a fashionista! I think I vowed as well to dress as a BUNNY this Halloween. I bought a LBD (little black dress) at Zara and to my dismay, I can no longer fit on it. Of course! I gain 27 pounds since I arrived in the glam-fab USA.

Anyway, I attended a Halloween party at Tiverton, Rhode Island and here is my costume. An attempt to be Georgina Wilson's sexy bunny.

I will be posting more photos on my photograph-art BLOG.

Anyway, what's up with Kim Kardashian and Kris Humpries? Divorced? I just blinked my eye for heaven's sake!

The Hubster stated when he saw a glimpse of their wedding that its a publicity wedding. That was 2 months ago. Is my husband a prophet? This celebrities marry just for the sake of being married. I never thought of myself as the marrying type but I got married anyway. And its because I found the right man. Would you marry for anything less than that reason?

Well, there's no business like show-business!

Sassy Frazz

Check on my LOOKBOOK: http://lookbook.nu/look/2599841-Silent-Water-Runs-Deep

Lately, whenever I am snotty and being bitchy the Hubster calls me Sassy Frazz! That makes me laugh. I now realized that one of the reason why I married this man is because he makes me laugh. He is my ROCK!

Although I must admit that I am a difficult person to be with (they say I am so hard to please) he just keeps me grounded. He knows me and loves me anyway. One thing that I appreciate from my closest friends is their ability to embrace my flaws.


Anyway, to be really honest (not that I was dishonest before) I do not appreciate people telling me that I am beautiful. I feel very paranoid about it. I feel that people who tell me that I am beautiful (or pretty or sexy) are trying to tell me otherwise. I feel they say something else behind my back. Especially if they say I am pretty and everyone can hear it. And don't be surprised if I my retorts are offensive, that's exactly how it should be.

You: Oh-em-gee!! You are sooo pretty now. (with the emphasis to NOW)
Me: Oh-em-gee as well!! Not really, I guess YOU just got uglier! (with the emphasis to uglier!)

You: Jeeezzz! You got soooo fat now!
Me: Nah! I'm pregnant! (Even if I'm not!)
You: Oh-em-gee! You are the sexiest pregster!
Me: I know right??? 

Okay so you say something good or bad, I will still be bitchy so why bother right? But you can always compliment my shoes! I know I have good taste with fashion and I will not take it against you.

I don't have much to say right now. I have to start packing Kylee's luggage. Her Daddy will pick her up on Saturday and I need to have everything ready by then. I will surely miss this "rugrat" and I know the Hubster will too. 

Trick Or Treat

Last Saturday we attended a Halloween party hosted by M. Santerre in Tiverton, Rhode Island. Kylee dressed up as a fairy, Hubster was Freddy and I was just a sexy Bunny.

Today, for trick or treating in Barrington, Kylee will be a Bunny, I will be the She-devil and Hubster will just be a "white man". He refused to wear a costume.

This morning I woke up with a weird dream. Two Chinese brothers were leading a syndicate and they were also in-love with the same girl. That was like watching an action film. For free. The head of the syndicate ripped his gut out and took his small intestine. Apparently, that's how they commit suicide. As I was telling this story to the Hubster, Kylee butt-in on the conversation and said that she had a dream too. She said she was playing with Ondrej and a man grabbed her. And she just covered herself with a blanket. Then she said, You had the same dream before. The hubster remembered I had a dream like that too. I think that dream made me paranoid that's why when we go out I am always holding Kylee's hand. Not on my watch you pervs! rofl

It seems like a good day today. Did I mention I won a twin-blanket/comforter and an Olive Oil set during the Halloween party? This is the first time in my life that I won on a raffle. I also won a doll (which Kylee calls Penny) on a vending machine prior to the party. I guess my luck is starting to kick-in.

Life is full of surprises! 

Only Fools Rush In

I had a comment from my entry yesterday. It says: Sooooorrrdss!

Then it got me thinking about my life as an erstwhile artist. I auditioned for a part in a play called Ibalong gazillion years ago. Its the epic (story) of Bicol heroes. I got the part of "Laryong" and she is a witch. Which evidently is such a cliche!

During the course of practice, the director still was looking for a small part which is the wife of one of the heroes. Since I was there I volunteered to be an understudy because that part was after my last scene (where I was killed by the hero) and I don't have anything better to do.

Of course the director agreed for "blocking" purposes. And then they all forgot to look for the real "actor" for the part. I was semi-electrocuted during the performance at Divine College because I was in a hurry to remove my gruesome make-up (as a witch) for the next part.

Anyway, the next year it became a BIGGER production. I was the wife of the first hero. Oh please, don't ask me their names! My best buddy, King was one of that hero. And I have to say, I completely suck at that performance! I wanted to be a witch but hey, I don't know how to sing and it was required. I remembered insisting I have a wardrobe change just because I was so bored with my role.

During this whole ordeal and months of preparation and practice, I chanced upon a guy named "whatshisname" and he was supposed to be an actor from another school. I was told he was good. And I refused to comment on that. (Bitter! Peanut-bitter!)

We sort of hit it off quickly and became "close" and I thought with him I found someone who will be my ally. Then he disappointed me, BIG TIME! I refused to disclose more details except that, I thought he was no longer in-love with his ex, then one time we went to a fair where he was all over the ex and it disgust me.  

I found a letter in my room which says: I detest the best of what you are because more of you seems to be less and the rest doesn't count.

The mother-effin asshole is a freeloader! I paid for your drinks and food, you miserable excuse for a human being! And you think I was pathetic when in fact you just would have directed the mirror to yourself! I cannot believe how "trusting" I was. I cannot believe you bit the hands that fed you.

Okay so that was not the entire letter but that was what etched on my mind. With him, I don't think I can ever be friends again. I was devastated by the betrayal and he can never take back what he said. And even if someone will say otherwise, I just have to say: Sooorrrds!

Evidently, the love of my life has emerged most recently so there's no doubt I found him. Or he found me. Whichever comes first. The thing is, do not rush into love. Only fools do it.

To forgive is To forget: Try That Yourself

Due to insistent public demand, I will be disclosing more of the treacheries I have experienced. Brace yourselves!

Case number 2: a long long time ago, there was once a boy who was extremely cute. Sissy has a crush on him. He wooed me. I was flattered. He became my "boyfriend". Okay so I was like 17. And not that pretty. And being with a cute human being is like having Godiva chocolates when you should only be with the company of KitKats. Not that Kitkat is shabby (Its by far my favorite) but it is definitely not of our league. FACE value wise.

He is actually my first love. Or so I thought. While we were dating, he will usually hang out in our "boarding house" which we jokingly refer to as "Rehab" and he scrub the floor of my room with a coconut husk. He said it was exercise. He do my laundry. We were together for almost a year and it became boring. I think for both of us. One day, he told me that he will be out of town (going to Manila) for a few days. I was like, okay. But in mind it was: Great! I can hang out with my friends.

So the day he was supposed to be "out of town" I went out with my friend, Malyn and Nick and some other Dude. We had a great time and was supposed be going home so I boarded the jeep. (For those who are not aware of what a jeep is: Its a public transportation in the Philippines) And there he was! With his arms on the shoulder of a heavy-breasted woman. I say a woman because she was older.

The truth is, the hurt I felt was more of embarrassment. I was with my friends on the jeep. I felt betrayed but I was more embarrassed. There were no words that came out of my mouth. I was, for the first time of my life, speechless. I went off  the jeep and he said he will drop by later on. I said dont bother. I remembered Sharon Quitasol (my boardmate) opened the gate and I burst into tears. Of course we were on the pathway and people are suddenly flooding so she told me to go to my room and she brought ciggies. I was of course, okay  and stopped crying when she arrived.

He went back to woe me. I was like, no way. One day, we were in a club and he saw me with friends and some cute dudes, he asked to talk. I was like, Sure! We went outside of the club and he knelt and asked for forgiveness. He said he will not stand unless I take him back. Of course a lot of people are passing by and he was embarrassed but he did not stand. He was begging though. And then, an amazing spark lit on my brain. This is the time to exact my vengeance.

Just when he thought I was okay with everything, I dated his friend. I did not really like his friend that much but what the heck, it's just a one time date.

We broke up. He dated my friend. We still hang out. I loved him as a friend. We had good times. Great times. Everything fell into its proper place. We were friends and I think that's what were just supposed to be. Friends.

Then he died. It was a motorcycle accident.

Note: I had a suitor who died of a motorcycle accident after that. I dated another boy who died of another motorcycle as well. I'm not a big fan of motorcycle however bad-ass they look. They take away lives.

This is why I am telling you people: LIVE your life! life is short! Bring out the Margarita's! Oh, and first love dies. No pun intended.

I Can Forgive but I will Never Forget

Yesterday I was doing an entry but hesitated to publish it. I think my parental theory will not matter to everyone because I am not a parent. When and If I become one I might change my mind with that theory. Who knows?

For the meantime lets talk about something where I am knowledgeable with. ME.

A friend once said: "To forgive is to forget." Well I beg to disagree! I can forgive but I can NEVER forget!

Case number 1: During college I was close to this girl whom I thought was my "friend". I tagged her along and gave her free (of charge) and unsolicited advises. I give her free drinks. and free food. I made sure she looks good too. Well, whenever she was with me. She sort of befriended me and I was like, okay no worries I'm going with the flow.  So, I was dating this boy who was sort of cute and prided himself to be a poet. Wrote poetry for me and made me a little bit smitten. Just a little bit. One day, I went to the hospital to stay with my Grandpa and I was absent from school for 2 days. When I went back to school, we decided to have a few drinks. By WE I meant, the erstwhile friend, the boy I was dating and Sherry, my true and loyal friend.

While we are drinking, I was seated next to the boy and the boy was seated next to that girl. When I was doing my shots I noticed that the (expletives deleted firmly) two of them are holding hands under the table! To say that I was furious is an understatement! It drove me nuts! Not because the boy is a (expletives deleted) asswipe but I treated that girl as a friend. Of course I pointed it out to them and they immediately let go of each other's hands. I went out of that "watering hole" and he followed me. He was trying to explain his side.

Me: Tell me why of all people in the world you opted for her? YOU have no respect! If you have a little bit, just a little bit of respect, you will look for someone prettier than me! (Imagine me berserk and narcissistic at the same time) Do you think I am stupid? Do you think I am stupid? Answer me you miserable pathetic (expletives deleted)!

Him: Well...
Me: Ah! And you want to answer back? You  (all swearing possible)!

I immediately left. Unbeknownst to my knowledge the boy has RHD. No, not Right Hand Drive. The poor boy which I terrorized has Rheumatic Heart Disease. When I left he was rushed to the nearby hospital and was admitted for a few days.

Uhmm....My bad!

Anyway, of course I forgave the poor guy. It was after all my "drama" which made him bedridden for a few days. Poor boy! See? I am not a psychopath! I exhibited remorse. Right?

The boy continued "wooing" me but to no avail. I already forgave him. Why would I submit myself to such ego-diminishing activity again? So of course, since he was my classmate on some class he was always the subject of my ridicule. But hey! I forgave him. I talk to him. I talk to him over the phone. True, I was always nasty. But I still speak with him. He is a sweet boy after all.

And the girl? Who cares? I forgave her. We go to clubs and hang out from time to time (with other friends) but I don't think I will ever trust her again. So why bother? And where is she now? Hmmm.... I really dont know. I saw her six years ago before I went to Dubai. And frankly, I don't really give a rat's ass!

That's the thing about me. I can be your biggest friend. I can be your ally. But the minute YOU cross me is the minute you decide that you will no longer have me in your life. Well, that depends too. Because if I am in the mood to be vindictive I can always do that.

And its not a threat! It's a PROMISE!

Back to Ranting

Lindsay Lohan is apparently doing the cover of Playboy. This girl made a lot of bad decisions in life. Is she in need of attention that bad?

I know of people who makes bad decisions in life. I have made bad decisions myself. But do we really want to walk on that path again? If you are a teenager it is expected of you to make bad choices in life. Now, what is your excuse?

People who are always crying and playing victims are annoying. Wherever we are right now, it is our choice to be there. It was our decision. So ranting about how your life sucks is actually of your own doing. YOU are the product of the choices you made. You DESERVE wherever state you are now!

Don't go blaming men why they don't take you seriously. YOU don't take yourself seriously so why the (expletives deleted) hell are you demanding for them to do so? You don't like how your family member treats you? YOU made them that way! You don't like how your friends' attitudes are towards you? YOU made them that way!

Don't go around asking people for sympathy and think you have fooled them because they actually talk about how pathetic you are behind your back! You feel that you are a victim but you are actually living a life which you deserve because of your own doing. No one else is responsible but you!

When are you ever going to learn?

Own it up. Unless you own up to your mistakes you can never move forward. It is our life that we direct. We can only live our own lives. 

I am in Pain

Okay so Alexis Stewart on an interview stated that the book was supposed to be funny. And Martha was okay with the book. I guess I was a bit okay now. Like it matters to them!

Today I cooked "Pork Sinigang" and instead of pechay (bok choy) I substituted it with spinach. I think its okay, Kylee loves it. I marinated pork spareribs for tomorrow.

Its getting a bit chilly nowadays. I have been wearing my pajamas and sweat pants and sweater for the past few days. I hate winter! I do! If I win the lotto I will buy a mansion in Florida and stay there until winter is over. But I don't even buy those ticket so I just have to content myself hibernating in my crib.

I started a new blog strictly for my newfound love for photography. If you wish to speak with me regarding a new project I am open to conceptualize with you. I am working on a Rapunzel and Mother-Daughter theme. I just cant look for a good location.

I'm a bit disturbed with this weather. My back is killing me and I am literally dying.

The Tale of the Ungrateful Daughter

Check this on my lookbook: http://lookbook.nu/look/2543883-Tropical-Fruit

I woke up today and my "Domesticated Diva" (according to Glaiza) alter ego prepared Beamer's lunch and snacks, clothes to wear and a pair of gym clothes. 

My mornings are composed of staying in the room (after the hubster left) and blog while watching news. Matt Lauer is my constant morning companion. 

Alexis Stewart, Martha Stewart's daughter (yes, the great Martha Stewart) apparently wrote a book. The book was about her life growing up with a Martha Stewart. 

"If I didn't do something perfectly, I had to do it again," writes Stewart, 46. "I grew up with a glue gun pointed at my head."

In my opinion, she is an ungrateful daughter. Okay, so when you dont do it perfectly you do it again. What's the big deal? Did you die? A glue gun pointed in the head meant she was teaching her to be like her. A homemaking goddess.

"Martha was not interested in being kid-friendly," her daughter writes. 

She stated there was no food in the refrigerator. There were ingredients but not prepared. There was no trick or treating during Halloween. And she wraps her own gift for Christmas. People from the third world countries do not have gifts at all during Christmas! They do not have food at all! They do not go trick or treating because NOBODY will give them anything.

There was a time in my childhood that I felt that my Mother doesnt have money at all. That particular time we feasted on canned sardines (which I still love until now!). I have never experienced trick or treating (It's my first time this year!) and I cooked my own food when I was 9. I make a mean noodle with sardines. Too bad the Hubster doesnt like seafood.

What is the BIG deal Alexis Stewart? Do you really have to diss your mom like that? I mean on national TV? International media? Was she really a bad mother for you to write a book about her?

I am not in defense of Martha. I am not a mother. 

"Halloween was also a grim affair: There were no costumes," she writes. "There was no anything. We turned off all the lights and pretended we weren't home."

I remembered "Christmas Carolers" in the Philippines. Every second they come back once you give them something. Everyday for 30 days. Of course there will be time that you want to close your lights. What is the big deal?

"A woman lived near us when I was little, had married someone very wealthy and very unattractive, and my mother actually told me when I was a small child, 'Now Alexis, if this ever happens, you make sure you have sex with somebody else to have their baby. Don't have his baby,'" she writes.

Pardon me for laughing my esophagus out! She was probably saying that because the man was unattractive and she would not want to have an unattractive grandchild. I remembered my Mom when I told her that I passed the audition for majorette during freshman.

My Mom (Nanay): Huwaaat??
Me: Yes! Auntie Nancy told me.
Nanay: Who was conducting the audition?
Me: Auntie Nancy!
Nanay: Exactly! It's your Auntie Nancy! Out of shame she will take you.
Me: But I wanted to be one. My friends are.
Nanay: Look, I love you. You are my daughter. For me you are the most beautiful girl in the world. But not everyone will agree. I do not want to be fighting with some other kibitzers when I hear them saying, "Who is that skinny ugly girl? Why did they even got her?"

"Mother always peed with the door open," she writes. "I remember saying, 'You know, now I have friends over! You can't do that anymore! It's gotta stop! My friends' parents don't do it! Give me a break here! I don't feel like being embarrassed! It's exhausting! I'm a kid! Stop!"'

Alexis, Alexis, Alexis... If you say this this things to my Mom you are going to pick up your teeth on the floor! In other countries (like mine!) you are not even allowed to voice your opinion as a child. And I pee with the door open, not ajar, OPEN. It's my house! Im sure its her house too. She can do what she want. Hell, I even pee on the bushes if the nature calls. I think its way better than pee-ing in your pants. Right Puppet?

The book, is, afterall, dedicated to Martha Stewart, with this foreword: "Thanks in advance to my mother for not getting angry about anything written in this book."

Okay. So she didn't mind. What was the point? Martha is an Institution. All Mother's are. In this case, I have to say this too:

Thank you Nanay for making me the person that I am today. For opening my eyes and not fooling me of being beautiful like some parents do to their kids. Thank you for that gift. The gift of candor. For whatever flaws you have I embrace it. And I know you embrace mine. And I have plenty.

I love you Nanay.

Life is a Mystery

I graduated high school when I was 15. Some people think I am smart. I was actually stupid. I fooled them all. Excuse me while I roll on the floor laughing.

During that summer I had my first boyfriend. To this date I am still denying the fact that my sister Sugar stated (and told my Mom) that I was putting my head on that boy's shoulders. I was NOT! I did not kiss that boy and I was in no way physically involved with him. I was smitten yes! But to say that I was in-love is actually a fallacy of gigantic proportions. 

I was young and I felt that I needed a boyfriend before I go to college. The boy was cute and I thought to myself, not too bad for a first boyfriend. You see, I have a talent. My talent is "looking forward" and I never really thought of myself as marrying my first boyfriend. 

The relationship was short-lived. First I was appalled by what my brother, Nino reiterated about his physical appearance. Of course, I was 15 and shallow so from that instance, I knew it was bound to end. 

From that experience I have learned that the world do not actually stop revolving just because one relationship ended. Life is full of mystery. Who would have known I am going to marry a New Yorker? Oh, with the exception of this fortune teller in Quiapo who told me that I am marrying a blonde. I mean, who would have guessed? What are the odds?

So I tell you, if you are feeling down and weary on a relationship which ended. Fret not. Life will unfold by itself. Trust him fully for only the unseen mover of all know what he has in store for you. Feel lucky. The mere fact that you woke up in the morning is a reason enough to celebrate.

You call it Faith. You call it Destiny. I call it God. 

I Have Something To Say

I am Pro-Women. I believe that what men can do a woman can do better. Except for some BS like  asking women to pee on a bottle. That's absurd! Of course we can do it. The question is, Do I want to?

However, I believe that men should still open doors and give up their seat to a lady. Its not because we cant open the door ourselves or stand on a bus but because they should be gentlemen. Men who tries to compete with women are chauvinists and should not even be considered as "real men." I once dated a guy who refused to let my friend win on billiards. I was like, give it up! She's the one paying for your drinks. Be a man. Have some respect Dude!

You will never be considered a coward if you lose to a woman. But you will be hailed and placed in a pedestal if you let her win. It is never a question which gender is stronger. Men are. They are bigger and muscular. Hmmmm....

Women should not compete as well. This is not a war. People, please don't complicate things. What women fought for has already been achieved. The equality we once cried for is in our grasp. Women can be charged for rape now. That was the price we have to pay for  fighting for our freedom. I believe this "rape" was done out of spite by men who thinks they are above us all.

Anyway, let me not go through that. Who knows maybe a woman can really rape a man? Who am I to judge?

Let me just give an unsolicited advice to single girls:

Do not argue with an intoxicated man. He might strangle you. Not that I have been strangled but I surely have seen one.

Do not let a man hurt you physically or emotionally. He do it once, he will do it again.

Do not continue dating a man who never pay for your date. As JZ puts it, "Constipated wallet, constipated emotions."

Its a different thing if he forgot his wallet or it was snatched. But he cant always use that excuse more than twice.

Do not continue dating a man who keeps on changing his mind about something. He will do that to you. Remember the constipated theory?

Do not date just for the sake of being with someone. Word from the wise: "It is better to be alone and bored, at least you can read."

Men has the ability to string you along. They may deny it but they really can. And if you are not smart you will be dragged by the same man for a lifetime.

Do not marry a man whom you have doubts. You have to be a hundred percent sure that you wanted to be with this man for the rest of your life. Do not talk behind your husband's back. Do not belittle him and say, "He is on crazy meds" infront of your friends. Do not bad-talk your husband infront of your kids. It is disrespectful and it is wrong. If your husband is a bad man your kids will know themselves and besides if he is that bad why did you marry him? Stupid?

If you want a man to take care of you, rely on him as well. I once dated a man who never paid for his own fare and even relied on me paying for his drinks and food. I was too young to be a "Sugar Mommy" and refused to be one. How the hell can you expect respect from women if you don't even pay for your own fare? If you cant buy a decent meal for a girl, just don't date her. You will feel crap because that's exactly how she will remember you for the rest of her life. Crap!

The reason I married my husband is because he is like my uncle, Papa Vi. And he takes care of me. So I respect him and I will love him for as long as I live.  I am glad and pleased with the long wait. It was all worthwhile.

Why am I telling you all this? To save you from massive heartbreaks. And for you to remember that, It is better to quit while you're ahead. Some wise men said: Learn from your mistakes. I say, learn from other people's mistakes. Why do we need to experience their turmoil if we can avoid it and live a life?