The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you can see. Winston Churchill
Most recently I have been a little bit confused. I think I was being lazy. And I could not fault anyone but myself. There is absolutely no one to be blamed but me. I take full responsibility.
On this new journey I wish to embark with myself, I am here to hope. Hope to be a better person. Hope to be calmer and more at peace with myself. Hope for a better future. A better life. A better Me.
I am not saying that I am a Saint because I am nowhere near that. I may have been a little bit bitchy than most girls. Or More! But I have my reasons. I was provoked and I was never the type of person who lash out first. I am always on the defense. And forgive me if I say that whoever I have wronged from the past, you know that you are the first one to mess with me. And you knew from the deepest recesses of your being, you deserved it.
And I am not proud of being vindictive at one point of my life. I was full of hatred when I was a kid. That hatred gave birth to bitterness. And now I feel so ancient. Like I was so old and like I have been through a lot. But honestly, watching a lot of Law & Order and CSI or Criminal Minds, I have never been through anything near those victims. I have never experienced anything so gruesome and I came into the realization, I am blessed.
The anger which was boiling in my heart for the longest time finally came into an awakening. I do not have a perfect childhood. But I am blessed with a family who kept me grounded. I may have been the rebel for a long time but I think I did them proud at one point as well.
I was described as "gangster" by my high school teacher but I turned out glam. I may have been an ugly duckling but I became a swan. I may have been predicted by someone to be impregnated at 16 (not because I was slutty but because I was loud!) and it irritated me because until now I do not have a child. Parents doesn't really like me because they think I am a bad influence to their kids. (With the exception of Mimi Arcos who never thought of it an inkling.) Well guess what, NO ONE can ever pressure anyone unless they permit it. Own up to your mistakes.
I own up to my mistakes. I may have been violent at one point of my childhood and I apologize for that. But I hope that they will also own up to theirs because it always takes two to tango.
I am on a journey. A journey with myself. To better my life. To better myself. And in the end be a better Friend, Daughter, Sister, Niece, Granddaughter and a better Aunt. A better wife.
Who knows, maybe even a better mother.
On this new journey I wish to embark with myself, I am here to hope. Hope to be a better person. Hope to be calmer and more at peace with myself. Hope for a better future. A better life. A better Me.
I am not saying that I am a Saint because I am nowhere near that. I may have been a little bit bitchy than most girls. Or More! But I have my reasons. I was provoked and I was never the type of person who lash out first. I am always on the defense. And forgive me if I say that whoever I have wronged from the past, you know that you are the first one to mess with me. And you knew from the deepest recesses of your being, you deserved it.
And I am not proud of being vindictive at one point of my life. I was full of hatred when I was a kid. That hatred gave birth to bitterness. And now I feel so ancient. Like I was so old and like I have been through a lot. But honestly, watching a lot of Law & Order and CSI or Criminal Minds, I have never been through anything near those victims. I have never experienced anything so gruesome and I came into the realization, I am blessed.
The anger which was boiling in my heart for the longest time finally came into an awakening. I do not have a perfect childhood. But I am blessed with a family who kept me grounded. I may have been the rebel for a long time but I think I did them proud at one point as well.
I was described as "gangster" by my high school teacher but I turned out glam. I may have been an ugly duckling but I became a swan. I may have been predicted by someone to be impregnated at 16 (not because I was slutty but because I was loud!) and it irritated me because until now I do not have a child. Parents doesn't really like me because they think I am a bad influence to their kids. (With the exception of Mimi Arcos who never thought of it an inkling.) Well guess what, NO ONE can ever pressure anyone unless they permit it. Own up to your mistakes.
I own up to my mistakes. I may have been violent at one point of my childhood and I apologize for that. But I hope that they will also own up to theirs because it always takes two to tango.
I am on a journey. A journey with myself. To better my life. To better myself. And in the end be a better Friend, Daughter, Sister, Niece, Granddaughter and a better Aunt. A better wife.
Who knows, maybe even a better mother.
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